it ain't easy.. no no!!

i'm so flusterred i wish i have double the neuro-chemical action as i did when problems were as simple as do i do my homework later or now coz i'ts due in a few hours. hehehe

I'm teaching the WoMan in the mirror to work and live by ultra mega 360 degree modification to my work attitude:

Cramming is not applicable due to a lot of projections that we have to factor in, because we cannot fail because of sheer faith on our skills nor ignorance of actual performance. AND Complacency is and will never be tolerated. THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.

I still end up nagging my team mates to do super tedious tasks not because i want to guarantee that they cannot be seen as petix at any minute of the day under my clock, but really more off to get me answers to present to our stakeholders.
It would not take a math genius to put the numbers together that equates to palpak na proyekto. Documentation is my only tool to bring reason to judgement that i have to learn from everytime i sit down with the big boss. I know the problem, it may be mostly accounted to a single team player's ambiguity to the role and lack of focus but i assumed that team work is and will be highly reagrded, like a 2nd nature to home-grown folks person.
As we point fingers i get dinged for the persistence of each issue and this pushes me to drive everyone to my fail-safe resolution: if s/he ain't doin it right, don't waste time getting it wrong and just do it right on your own.

End of the day, what you complete will be recognized as your individual contribution. What you did not do right or did not do at all can never be claimed as rightfully yours coz we ain't stupid people to think and believe so.

Its so easy to write about how i feel about the whole project, but there's so many unwritten things and much more highly volatile issues/challenges that i have to figure out. As much as i promised myself not to end up as adversity to anyone that i work with, its seems to be inevitable everytime i try to manage the workload. I know we each signed up for specific funtions but i would want to believe that we will all be judged based on how much more we can do especially when what we committed to accomplish is not anywhere near expectations.

I signed up to help. Not to make things worse.
Is it going to be worth putting my dream on hold?

.... it's less boring and i'm hoping much more rewarding if it's all figured out.

if you catch the drift of this entry, know that i don't like harboring any of this anti-productive thoughts. i need your to help help this team. i can always go back to a steadier function and if i go consistently with everyones attitude we'd all end up where we started, obviously disgraced by a reputation we failed to sustain. when that day comes i shall bow my head and smile at how much of a coward i am to stand up to what was expected of me and all the more greater things that i could have become.. only if knew how to hold the staft to the right direction. Talagang unfair ang life, mas cool ka pag nagsikap kang gawing tama ito para sayo at para sa buong bundo. Gusto ko maging cool kahit wag nang sikat.. basta cool lang.