what do you intend for me to grow up to with this senseless pain.. with this hopeless game.
i just want to understand.
i lift all the ambiguity to You. hold me together as i fight to love and live at the same time.
11.6.10
14.9.09
heartbreaks are waste of time.
So was i made to understand but not really believe by 2 guy friends i recently caught up with.
1st guy friend was sooo hinting me to ask about why or more so how he broke it up with his girl. He narrated that he made himself seen with someone else to save himself from a lengthier discussion.. also known as DRAMA since his girl was due to leave for somewhere else.
My reaction: have we evolved to be emotionally retarded that we find this method to be less painful than going through the drama? gawwwd! para san pa ang mga telenobelang di na nahilo sa kaka remake.. its WRONG! i mean.. im not a drama junkie but this is atrocious break-up strategy.
2nd guy friend texted me that his 2 y.o girlfriend broke up with him. On the year that i wished he come out of his boyish ways and start settling down. BUMMER huh?
My reaction: dude.. at least di sinulot! congrats naputoil na ang sumpa! wahahaha!
well i would not know why she broke it off, obvious reasons being... my 2nd guy friend got to obviously retarded for still baing malandi! hahahaha told u to stop it na! :p
how is it a waste of time for heartbreaks for 2nd guy friend? he ranted less.. drunk it all away and he never wanted to talk about it. KAMOWWWN NOW!! if you didn't want me to ask why the hell send me an FYI that you're a bachelor again... (oooooh hohoho.. ooooh.... U SLEAZY DAWG!)
ok that's it this made me realize in have to straighten out someone.
Cheers to men may you never give up in the struggle to be a little more human every time a woman dumps you.
1st guy friend was sooo hinting me to ask about why or more so how he broke it up with his girl. He narrated that he made himself seen with someone else to save himself from a lengthier discussion.. also known as DRAMA since his girl was due to leave for somewhere else.
My reaction: have we evolved to be emotionally retarded that we find this method to be less painful than going through the drama? gawwwd! para san pa ang mga telenobelang di na nahilo sa kaka remake.. its WRONG! i mean.. im not a drama junkie but this is atrocious break-up strategy.
2nd guy friend texted me that his 2 y.o girlfriend broke up with him. On the year that i wished he come out of his boyish ways and start settling down. BUMMER huh?
My reaction: dude.. at least di sinulot! congrats naputoil na ang sumpa! wahahaha!
well i would not know why she broke it off, obvious reasons being... my 2nd guy friend got to obviously retarded for still baing malandi! hahahaha told u to stop it na! :p
how is it a waste of time for heartbreaks for 2nd guy friend? he ranted less.. drunk it all away and he never wanted to talk about it. KAMOWWWN NOW!! if you didn't want me to ask why the hell send me an FYI that you're a bachelor again... (oooooh hohoho.. ooooh.... U SLEAZY DAWG!)
ok that's it this made me realize in have to straighten out someone.
Cheers to men may you never give up in the struggle to be a little more human every time a woman dumps you.
Women are from Venus for a very special reason.
I have no idea what's the chemical composition of Venus' atmosphere but i have a sure feeling it has to be sooo complicated to breathe.
I have 2 of my closest girlfriends in separate ice boxes... freezing their asses off. hahaha!
They resolved and seems like there's no retiring from that resolution anytime soon because:
UNO: they have successfully preserved their sanity... separately! BRAVA to that ladies.. this is the way it should be if we just escaped a sanity-threatening event..say like if you were a victim of... infidelity.. swindlers that run away your life's savings... found out your dad's gay because he wanted to have his own snazzy shoe collection.
DOS: together with that self-preservation... they have the wildest imagination and have established a solid picture of how they'd act when the lash out session commences. Ok i respect that you would want to go into battle prepared.. over prepared even. Since the idea of mayhem breaks down that only constant thing that anchors them to sanity or preserving the relationship we have all come to agree and call it friendship, they recess to UNO and the thought if being successful in UNO and actually gave up non even trying to regroup.
TRES: They both love talking about the situation and i seem to present myself as the sole medium to make both minds meet. AND i hope both of them realize that i'm not a stenographer and i tend to forget and interpret points of view as as to preserve my own sanity and bring them both to this common ground.
QUATRO: the other just confessed a very retarded way of coping while the other obviously and is keeping pretty hard on how she's supposed to be mature. BOTH i must say INVALID because they never never ever considered how we knew each other. That has to be constant if you really want to forgive and let live. Baggies are for... nomads, we belong together so no need to bring your issues in between each other.
My point being, why the hell are we sooooo caught up with our judgments? Were you hurt that much that everything else is worth forgetting? When did we turn complicated?...i did not get the memo... we don't have memos..
my thoughts why i'm sooo wanting to stop breathing the air you're breathing:
1. coz its staggering both of you to come to your senses.
2. am getting a feeling that i might have over-expected on how we really are.. were. then its high-time for me to stop trying.
3. I wish i was this romantic towards romance. hahaha! it breaks my dopey heart not to try.
4. is it almost hopeless to remember how we came to be? we tore down walls for each other, bashed around so we feel better over stupid things, we respected individuality but never before "that morning after" have we held those differences as reason to be indifferent.
I would want nothing more than you 2 get your asses back here on Earth.. Venus air is trippin' on your mind's really bad.
with hearts hearts xoxo and sad face,
Ruthie
I have 2 of my closest girlfriends in separate ice boxes... freezing their asses off. hahaha!
They resolved and seems like there's no retiring from that resolution anytime soon because:
UNO: they have successfully preserved their sanity... separately! BRAVA to that ladies.. this is the way it should be if we just escaped a sanity-threatening event..say like if you were a victim of... infidelity.. swindlers that run away your life's savings... found out your dad's gay because he wanted to have his own snazzy shoe collection.
DOS: together with that self-preservation... they have the wildest imagination and have established a solid picture of how they'd act when the lash out session commences. Ok i respect that you would want to go into battle prepared.. over prepared even. Since the idea of mayhem breaks down that only constant thing that anchors them to sanity or preserving the relationship we have all come to agree and call it friendship, they recess to UNO and the thought if being successful in UNO and actually gave up non even trying to regroup.
TRES: They both love talking about the situation and i seem to present myself as the sole medium to make both minds meet. AND i hope both of them realize that i'm not a stenographer and i tend to forget and interpret points of view as as to preserve my own sanity and bring them both to this common ground.
QUATRO: the other just confessed a very retarded way of coping while the other obviously and is keeping pretty hard on how she's supposed to be mature. BOTH i must say INVALID because they never never ever considered how we knew each other. That has to be constant if you really want to forgive and let live. Baggies are for... nomads, we belong together so no need to bring your issues in between each other.
My point being, why the hell are we sooooo caught up with our judgments? Were you hurt that much that everything else is worth forgetting? When did we turn complicated?...i did not get the memo... we don't have memos..
my thoughts why i'm sooo wanting to stop breathing the air you're breathing:
1. coz its staggering both of you to come to your senses.
2. am getting a feeling that i might have over-expected on how we really are.. were. then its high-time for me to stop trying.
3. I wish i was this romantic towards romance. hahaha! it breaks my dopey heart not to try.
4. is it almost hopeless to remember how we came to be? we tore down walls for each other, bashed around so we feel better over stupid things, we respected individuality but never before "that morning after" have we held those differences as reason to be indifferent.
I would want nothing more than you 2 get your asses back here on Earth.. Venus air is trippin' on your mind's really bad.
with hearts hearts xoxo and sad face,
Ruthie
13.7.09
it ain't easy.. no no!!
i'm so flusterred i wish i have double the neuro-chemical action as i did when problems were as simple as do i do my homework later or now coz i'ts due in a few hours. hehehe
I'm teaching the WoMan in the mirror to work and live by ultra mega 360 degree modification to my work attitude:
Cramming is not applicable due to a lot of projections that we have to factor in, because we cannot fail because of sheer faith on our skills nor ignorance of actual performance. AND Complacency is and will never be tolerated. THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.
I still end up nagging my team mates to do super tedious tasks not because i want to guarantee that they cannot be seen as petix at any minute of the day under my clock, but really more off to get me answers to present to our stakeholders.
It would not take a math genius to put the numbers together that equates to palpak na proyekto. Documentation is my only tool to bring reason to judgement that i have to learn from everytime i sit down with the big boss. I know the problem, it may be mostly accounted to a single team player's ambiguity to the role and lack of focus but i assumed that team work is and will be highly reagrded, like a 2nd nature to home-grown folks person.
As we point fingers i get dinged for the persistence of each issue and this pushes me to drive everyone to my fail-safe resolution: if s/he ain't doin it right, don't waste time getting it wrong and just do it right on your own.
End of the day, what you complete will be recognized as your individual contribution. What you did not do right or did not do at all can never be claimed as rightfully yours coz we ain't stupid people to think and believe so.
Its so easy to write about how i feel about the whole project, but there's so many unwritten things and much more highly volatile issues/challenges that i have to figure out. As much as i promised myself not to end up as adversity to anyone that i work with, its seems to be inevitable everytime i try to manage the workload. I know we each signed up for specific funtions but i would want to believe that we will all be judged based on how much more we can do especially when what we committed to accomplish is not anywhere near expectations.
I signed up to help. Not to make things worse.
Is it going to be worth putting my dream on hold?
.... it's less boring and i'm hoping much more rewarding if it's all figured out.
if you catch the drift of this entry, know that i don't like harboring any of this anti-productive thoughts. i need your to help help this team. i can always go back to a steadier function and if i go consistently with everyones attitude we'd all end up where we started, obviously disgraced by a reputation we failed to sustain. when that day comes i shall bow my head and smile at how much of a coward i am to stand up to what was expected of me and all the more greater things that i could have become.. only if knew how to hold the staft to the right direction. Talagang unfair ang life, mas cool ka pag nagsikap kang gawing tama ito para sayo at para sa buong bundo. Gusto ko maging cool kahit wag nang sikat.. basta cool lang.
I'm teaching the WoMan in the mirror to work and live by ultra mega 360 degree modification to my work attitude:
Cramming is not applicable due to a lot of projections that we have to factor in, because we cannot fail because of sheer faith on our skills nor ignorance of actual performance. AND Complacency is and will never be tolerated. THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.
I still end up nagging my team mates to do super tedious tasks not because i want to guarantee that they cannot be seen as petix at any minute of the day under my clock, but really more off to get me answers to present to our stakeholders.
It would not take a math genius to put the numbers together that equates to palpak na proyekto. Documentation is my only tool to bring reason to judgement that i have to learn from everytime i sit down with the big boss. I know the problem, it may be mostly accounted to a single team player's ambiguity to the role and lack of focus but i assumed that team work is and will be highly reagrded, like a 2nd nature to home-grown folks person.
As we point fingers i get dinged for the persistence of each issue and this pushes me to drive everyone to my fail-safe resolution: if s/he ain't doin it right, don't waste time getting it wrong and just do it right on your own.
End of the day, what you complete will be recognized as your individual contribution. What you did not do right or did not do at all can never be claimed as rightfully yours coz we ain't stupid people to think and believe so.
Its so easy to write about how i feel about the whole project, but there's so many unwritten things and much more highly volatile issues/challenges that i have to figure out. As much as i promised myself not to end up as adversity to anyone that i work with, its seems to be inevitable everytime i try to manage the workload. I know we each signed up for specific funtions but i would want to believe that we will all be judged based on how much more we can do especially when what we committed to accomplish is not anywhere near expectations.
I signed up to help. Not to make things worse.
Is it going to be worth putting my dream on hold?
.... it's less boring and i'm hoping much more rewarding if it's all figured out.
if you catch the drift of this entry, know that i don't like harboring any of this anti-productive thoughts. i need your to help help this team. i can always go back to a steadier function and if i go consistently with everyones attitude we'd all end up where we started, obviously disgraced by a reputation we failed to sustain. when that day comes i shall bow my head and smile at how much of a coward i am to stand up to what was expected of me and all the more greater things that i could have become.. only if knew how to hold the staft to the right direction. Talagang unfair ang life, mas cool ka pag nagsikap kang gawing tama ito para sayo at para sa buong bundo. Gusto ko maging cool kahit wag nang sikat.. basta cool lang.
25.5.09
To Gi: Melancholy and Emo-FUckedness
We all get bored sometimes, and most of the time we don't do anything about it.
We all get stupid sometimes, and most of the time we do something else that would turn us moronic.
We all love sometimes, and most of the time we let go because one day we don't want to do anything about it and turn us moronic.
So.. with all our might we struggle to break free of "Love".
The thing about relationships is that we can never say that we can never be dependent of our partners. It is afterall human to relate and to be a parasite towards others. We do this not only towards or with life partners but if you look back on your Love fundamentals i'm pretty sure you have "loved" your folks for giving you allowance even if you're already earning your own money, you heart your barkada for saving your ass in the so many times you could have been grounded, or for giving you that 1st try of everything illegal of your age just for the heck of it. in good and bad times you love and live and move on to more loving and living.
It takes a lifetime to learn, love and get hurt so many times in between. I know you're not too detach from these realities not to account how much pain it takes to cut off a life-line. Pain is essential to your being, to your wanting and needing for greater and truer love wherever that bullshit may be.
Enjoy the ride and like our monthly period.. it hurts but there's nothing that a pill can't fix these days. :p
Cheers sis!
PS
As much as i peg all my advise from my own shitty life, please dont treat them as your own expriences.
I dont trust myself to make better decision not even good ones what you can trust in is that i'll be here for you no matter whats!
mwah
We all get stupid sometimes, and most of the time we do something else that would turn us moronic.
We all love sometimes, and most of the time we let go because one day we don't want to do anything about it and turn us moronic.
So.. with all our might we struggle to break free of "Love".
The thing about relationships is that we can never say that we can never be dependent of our partners. It is afterall human to relate and to be a parasite towards others. We do this not only towards or with life partners but if you look back on your Love fundamentals i'm pretty sure you have "loved" your folks for giving you allowance even if you're already earning your own money, you heart your barkada for saving your ass in the so many times you could have been grounded, or for giving you that 1st try of everything illegal of your age just for the heck of it. in good and bad times you love and live and move on to more loving and living.
It takes a lifetime to learn, love and get hurt so many times in between. I know you're not too detach from these realities not to account how much pain it takes to cut off a life-line. Pain is essential to your being, to your wanting and needing for greater and truer love wherever that bullshit may be.
Enjoy the ride and like our monthly period.. it hurts but there's nothing that a pill can't fix these days. :p
Cheers sis!
PS
As much as i peg all my advise from my own shitty life, please dont treat them as your own expriences.
I dont trust myself to make better decision not even good ones what you can trust in is that i'll be here for you no matter whats!
mwah
10.3.09
Life is an effed up equation.
Today i want to exploit some life equations.
We start with the variables:
A: represents your ultimate value (self-perceived of course)
B: represents someone else's total character --- let's keep it to the significant other's category --- of course how you perceive significance is another variable
C: perpetually changing circumstance ---- e.g. emotions, weather, your boss' press releases vs. his/her actions, hair color, etc.
D: Priorities/Commitments: To elaborate, acts or behaviors imposed upon by variable B that should be directly resulting to your E.
E: your (my) reality
Now that we have at least the basic variables to factor in, let's now look into how i am the worst person to be putting them into an equation. Let's get on in pointing out that:
1. No matter how constantly positive your A is, you'd end up with a negative value if you're a friggin push-over!!
2. If you let the good type of Bs surround you 24/7 you'd be too lazy and i bet dumb not to suspect that there's a catch.
3. Keeping it chummy with the most repulsive Bs will eventually give you some headstart and hopefully beat them to ever outsmarting you again... and maybe.. just maybe.. they;d go pick on someone else.
4. E is the heartbreaking value of a badly distorted A. Upon realizing of course that (hopefully not yet too late) A has morphed into B as a result of running away from not so pleasant Cs in order to live by your Ds.
5. If you married to/got together with/stayed for too long with someone with an A that's 2 dimensional... (yes not so flexible.. uh huh them retards..) you'd probably find drama (considering that you've already told them in person, emailed the details for them to get the chance to read back) as a not so efficient mode of communication.
This is like automatically taking out all intuitive types (e.g. sensitivity, empathy, regard for someone else) of emotions coz they wont work and it will just make things more confusing.
One of my theories for this anomaly is that 2D As have heightened Ds. So no matter how petty and stupid their Ds are, it is stil faaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr more important than your drama.
If you know where or how i could get my brain a downgrade please let me know, my multi-dimensional A cannot understand how i could impact and probably be significant enough to change or share their/his Ds.
6. C can be easily manipulated with how you react to Bs. My advise... Dedma.. or at least pretend that you give a damn. Just enough to make em go back to their seats and shut the fuck up.
Time-out / Degree of attention (cross reference to your Ds of course)=B's significance to your E
7. Passive-aggressiveness is the sweetest way to put distorted Bs back to some level of congruence (congruence in relation to of course your Es).
This is word math overload. hope it still makes some sense to me tomorrow. Nosebleed.
We start with the variables:
A: represents your ultimate value (self-perceived of course)
B: represents someone else's total character --- let's keep it to the significant other's category --- of course how you perceive significance is another variable
C: perpetually changing circumstance ---- e.g. emotions, weather, your boss' press releases vs. his/her actions, hair color, etc.
D: Priorities/Commitments: To elaborate, acts or behaviors imposed upon by variable B that should be directly resulting to your E.
E: your (my) reality
Now that we have at least the basic variables to factor in, let's now look into how i am the worst person to be putting them into an equation. Let's get on in pointing out that:
1. No matter how constantly positive your A is, you'd end up with a negative value if you're a friggin push-over!!
2. If you let the good type of Bs surround you 24/7 you'd be too lazy and i bet dumb not to suspect that there's a catch.
3. Keeping it chummy with the most repulsive Bs will eventually give you some headstart and hopefully beat them to ever outsmarting you again... and maybe.. just maybe.. they;d go pick on someone else.
4. E is the heartbreaking value of a badly distorted A. Upon realizing of course that (hopefully not yet too late) A has morphed into B as a result of running away from not so pleasant Cs in order to live by your Ds.
5. If you married to/got together with/stayed for too long with someone with an A that's 2 dimensional... (yes not so flexible.. uh huh them retards..) you'd probably find drama (considering that you've already told them in person, emailed the details for them to get the chance to read back) as a not so efficient mode of communication.
This is like automatically taking out all intuitive types (e.g. sensitivity, empathy, regard for someone else) of emotions coz they wont work and it will just make things more confusing.
One of my theories for this anomaly is that 2D As have heightened Ds. So no matter how petty and stupid their Ds are, it is stil faaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr more important than your drama.
If you know where or how i could get my brain a downgrade please let me know, my multi-dimensional A cannot understand how i could impact and probably be significant enough to change or share their/his Ds.
6. C can be easily manipulated with how you react to Bs. My advise... Dedma.. or at least pretend that you give a damn. Just enough to make em go back to their seats and shut the fuck up.
Time-out / Degree of attention (cross reference to your Ds of course)=B's significance to your E
7. Passive-aggressiveness is the sweetest way to put distorted Bs back to some level of congruence (congruence in relation to of course your Es).
This is word math overload. hope it still makes some sense to me tomorrow. Nosebleed.
23.2.09
Stationary
The writer's block is starting to get on my nerves. Over the past months that i didn't get to write i felt numb, i ignored how i value sponteneity all together.
It kinda dawned on me that i don't want to be perceived as somone with chronic case of emotional diarrhea. Literally, i expected this to hurt more than it made me dumb. After the blogging gig, to stop writing was the most dreadful thing to expect. It was like a strange nightmare/phase i went into. I took so much fiction advance-withdrawal for me to submit the projects that i committed to. BADDDD idea.
I have learned my lesson. I shall not exploit my passion for crafts to earn extra money. Like any God-given talent it should be free to influence other to realize what they may be good at.
I am also good in lashing out on anyone... so anyone up for some hardcore realization that might lead to suicide?
hehehe kidding..
... but seriously.. anyone?!?
jk.
It kinda dawned on me that i don't want to be perceived as somone with chronic case of emotional diarrhea. Literally, i expected this to hurt more than it made me dumb. After the blogging gig, to stop writing was the most dreadful thing to expect. It was like a strange nightmare/phase i went into. I took so much fiction advance-withdrawal for me to submit the projects that i committed to. BADDDD idea.
I have learned my lesson. I shall not exploit my passion for crafts to earn extra money. Like any God-given talent it should be free to influence other to realize what they may be good at.
I am also good in lashing out on anyone... so anyone up for some hardcore realization that might lead to suicide?
hehehe kidding..
... but seriously.. anyone?!?
jk.
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