seriously...

been eeyore-ish for 3 days now, my marriage (well the fun part of it) is like a drug.. so temporary but fucks me out of my sanity most of the time -- this i think made my imagination run short because i'm always imagining that my marriage is still ok.

Low times like these have made me bargain with life/fate (all the same) again.. and re-evaluate the values that i'd like to keep if i were to hold this marriage together for my kid's sake. (this is so against my values as it is).

1. respect. i expect it but wont demand it. i guess its practically kind not to force someone (my husband in particular.. who else is in thsi marriage anyways?!) to change for my convinience/happiness, otherwise i should have just married myself to want someoene to change to my likings.

> value my values, if i don't complain it doesn't mean i don't mind. you don't have to live, stomping on my opinions isn't the most polite way to be with someone. value my values, i can't value yours coz i dont think you have any.. your family already gave up on you buster, i'm you're last chance retard! --- this happens to be the most infuriating coz for some reason i still believe that you'd be a good dad if i just show you what you need to value.

> take me fucking seriously you numbnut! ok i understand that you respect my independence but men some guts you have to take everything that comes from me like some fucking joke! ...di na nakakatawa...

2. transparency=trust. (yes not love and what have you.. thats too vague to discuss.. u wouldn't want to taste the bullshit theat would come out of me in this condition) much to do with respect, i guess this i want in a relationship because i hate frustrations. Let me know what you need me to do and where i should stand .. and i'll be that. Don't keep me guessing and blame me for not making the right guesses when you can always tell me how i should be.. im very open to opinions, that's the dare-devil part of me.

> honestly until now you won't let me in. i scared of the idea of having to compromise more things that i value just to get you to trust me. well if you don't trust me with your life.. go fuck yerself buster.. coz i have already tried killing myself for u once just to make you pay attention to what im trying to say! maybe i should just do it huh?! (poor andrea stuck with an imbecile dad).. i'd give her up for adoption before i slith my throat or something.

just 2 things now.. i ahve already given up my dreams.. love and my independence.

so help me God.