Bente Quatro

my 23rd year was quick and .... too quick that it was painless so to speak.

Backtracking to the year i tied the knot, i officially kept my dreams in a dark and cold bunker with strong hopes that my life turns out to be manageable enough to permit such dreams to prosper.

2 years of virtually being dreamless obvoiusly took toll in my lifestyle and mind-set. From bitchy i became grouchy to the point of exhaustion that i only feel the urge to cry after i attempt to kill myself, not in any other occasion.

twas addictive to an extremely horrible manner. When an interesting conversation with a friend would start and end with spiful litany of people...work...life in-general. Looking back at it, twas like a cancer that spread rapidly and ate up all the sunshine i had inside.

Bottled up with frustrations from my own stubborness, i literally felt that i had nothing to offer to the world. living life in vain i found refuge in my daughter and recent moving back in with my dad and siblings.

24th year i want to absolve myself from these baggages that materialized over the years.

How?

beats me! hehe.. i guess i want to be me again but not denying the possiblity of what the past few years made of me. for this year its hakuna matata ... closing my eyes to opportunities to turn into this grim and letting go.

- out of sight out of mind...
- wake up and sleep with a smile or not wake or sleep at all.
- be more consistent
- patience and acceptance
- humility of will in chasing my stars
- less admonitions more cheers to spread at times of crisis (<--this wud drive me crazy.. beats being consistent... i guess its more of thinking really well before acting on impulse)


i have 6 years to make me work... happiness is a choice and was never promised as destiny... i don't believe in destiny anyways.. so i just be happy coz i wna be happy. As for my dreams....... hmmmm.... again... let go.. letting go.

*pislabenrakenrol*