DREAMS of a Detoxifying Pickled Brain

darkness of 1/13:

i dreamt of several scenes, what i could remember is being on this squatters compound with the hubby. what was so disturbing about the dream was he asked me to drive the car around that i
could pick him up right at the exit of where he needed to see some people.

i had enough control like i was wheeling the car in neutral gear. i felt stomping on 3 pedals confused which were the brakes, i had less than 5 seconds to come to a complete stop before i fall into this creek filled with yellow goo. there was a man made bridge made of wooden planks and obviously not fit for any vehicles to drive on. as i took a deep breathe i saw my hubby walk right up behind me with 2 companions. a lil boy and some guy obviously residents of the area. i tip toed to the other side dreading the site of the yellow (might be radioactive) goo gushing below. right behind me the boy followed, and fell into the goo. the bystanders didn't panic nor did they try to do anything to help the goo-drowning kid, one explained to me that its instant death anyways since the river bottom is silt filled that you'd sink deeper into it if you try to wobble your way out, plus the goo was actually a concoction of all water-born diseases classified and unclassified to mankind.

So i stood there awestruck how nonchalant everyone was, then i heard my hubby calling me that its his turn to cross. i had to inch my way closer to the edge of the river so I'd have my hands out for him to grab when he's close enough..... 2 steps on the plank.. he fell right into the river. surprisingly it was only waist-high. i told him not to move and I'll get him out. i fetched him a garden hose to grab hold on and we reeled him in.. then the boy came sploshing around like fish out of water grabbing hold of his shirt, we got them both out. We had to spray them out of the filthy goo that covered both of them.

Another scene started with us running away from a medieval battalion, we run and we hide as a bunch of 5 people. a funeral, it was so grandiose that we had it in a cathedral attached to a castle.
The castle had families living in the dark as inhabitants, they scamper out of view when we walk the halls. This puzzled me, eventually i realized that we were royalties. We ran out of one of
the castle's towering gates being pursued by men in armors of all types, there were tribal Celtic ones and there were also the western type. Outside the castle gate we tiptoed to one tunnel to
another, hiding in the shadows until we made our way to our car. hahaha as in CAR!! in the heavy tinted car we watched as the crowd of pursuers passed us clueless that we were just at their peripheral view, breathless and panicky. when they all finally passed we drove 500 meters to one mansion looking establishment where we were welcomed by 2 mestizos. I talked comfortably with them like i know and trust in my heart that they'd help us take safe refuge in their place.

The car slowly drove into the driveway/dungeon. hahaha! almost crashing into a table of men
drinking tanduay and playing tong-its. hahaha! we camped out for a couple of nights there, as royalties we were not spoken to except for the masters of the house. The accommodations were not even close to any cheap class motel around. i remember walking through the halls looking for the washroom. i held a toothbrush in one hand and Andrea on the other. we were led to this crooked room with 3 doors all adjoining other rooms. Now that i recall it it was like prying open oysters, some crevices too subtle to suspect it lead somewhere (there was something/someone in it). I went in, out, through doors but never walked a step back, i wanted to make sure i didn't circle my way around. That was the predominant thought as i search the most acceptable wash area where i can take a shower. I finally settled taking the one where i had my sister in a relative distance and some companions nearby. It (the room)* felt safe and hygienic enough to bare it all, so i went on with my business.

As i stepped out of the tub with towels drawn over and around my preskong body i went to look for a hamper of some sort where i'd dump my used towels. This being a warpy dream to start with its pretty obvious i had to figure out where the hampers were. I crouched in front of the most odd object i could find in the room, and it had to be a door who opens halfway below where i was standing.
There were ---- (continued after the footnote.. )
*there were shower curtains.. each wash area was different from the other but they had generic shower curtains and hooks hanging at arms-reach. I stepped into this off-white tub draw over the curtains. to my left was my sister in a jacuzzi tiled in Capiz shells, her curtains was dimmed more by the steam from her bubbling spring bath. to my right were a 2 door cubicle with mint doors, voices that called from behind them were familiar, a towel hung by the door of the one to the left and a pair of hotel cloth slippers hoisted carelessly on the floor...that's how detailed it was..



READ THIS ALL OVER AGAIN..after 2 years.

Some parts i can still picture, as much as I want to narrate the succeeding events in THAT dream.. i need professional help to regress unto my subconsious.. dig though archives of dreams..
2 years ago!

Brain-gym??

Dreams remain magical. i wish dreaming goes beyond death. An ideal after-life scenario for me is sitting in the couch witih chips and gin and juice watching all my dreams like i am DVD-Marathon-ing. :)

ma-post na nga toh... baka mag 2yrs old again as a draft.

Tinimbang ngunit kulang...

I got my anwer alright. We have beat ourselves to what was possible and deliberately blinded ourselves of rthe impossible.

this is by far the biggest frustration for me this year.. with a capital F for fucking failure!!

i am still clueless as to how i'D push to make it next year, damn the few digits that got me knocked off the painstaking journey to meet 2008 quota. As if the 1.4M losses was not enough tragedy, coping after each decline was like waiting for a broken finger to heal.

i'd expect more of that next year, the single certain wish i'd have for next year is to harbor enough courage to confront individuals to support the team instead of kicking us further deeper underground when we encounter similar losses regardless how much it cost. In a perfect world one's happiness/success should be infectious rather than elicit adverse reactions turning hope and damage control efforts as futile as this year.

i'm starting to love what i'd doing primarily because i hate being judged short of my efforts. I can prove them wrong but then again i have to keep in mind that efforts charged by bitterness instantly bring out much worse emotions whether it be good or less good. hahaha!

to #s 6 and 7.. it has to be better luck for next time for us, shall we show them what we are made of? (sugar...spice and a lots of clean honest tricks in the bag) Goojab goojab! Let's do this!!!

got ink?

I just want to press what was made obvious to me lately, a lot of people i know are getting inked.

My brownie sista Gi just got her 2nd tat last saturday 2 weeks after she got her first, and she won't stop at just two skin stamps she's actually thinking of getting another one (with me and Anne--its the three's company thing) next week.

On that same day that Gi told me she's gonna get her name tagged one of my college friends soliceted for my opinion on a tat desiogn she intend to get. It was of a fairy sitting on what looks like a flower. The following week the boo caught me online and just the same solicited an opinion on a tat design he wanted to get. He wanted to get this ---> etched on his bicep, just the skeletal art. Told him the details he wanted would call for a bigger skin area, he kinda left with no reaction. hahahaha!

Here are some pics of Gi's bodyart adn a peek of the magnificent tat artist she's been patronizing.

this is the outline--- then this is the colored one still red from all the etching.

I'm still contemplating whether i'D jump on the bandwagon and join the craze, few things holding me back really. First, its permanent and judging on how i tend to lose interest on things, i might regret getting one that iD get sick of after a year or two. Another one would be, i might get hooked on the pain of getting one and end up looking like a sketch pad with the so many designs i'd like to get. 3rd and most minor would have to be i'm kinda scared my family would be outraged with me getting one. However, i don't think it would be overly frowned upon since both my Kuyas has one and two of my cousins too.

So far i have decide to get one inked over my shoulders draping to the back also i want to get a tree design with my trademark vines and roots and earthy swirly design. There should also be stars within the design and my name. :) I plan to get it by January just like when i got my tongue pierced. A piercing is actually my back-up. :)

Ngiiiiiiiiiiiiiingggggggggggg naaaangiiiiingggggg nagingg nginggggggggggggg nangingingingngiiiiing!!!!! I can see myself getting addicted to this, i need to prepare myself. Wish me luck.

let me see you beat that...

Busy time of the year is here again, when i'm stuck chasing something that i half believe in.... (QUOTA!) hehehehe...

It would be wonderful if i did make it, maybe next year i'd believe more than half... hehehe maybe 3/4. Besides, for the whole year i've been like bustlin and petix on and off anyways. Petix kicks in when i get demoralized, being a person with a caveman's moral standards.. ok maybe not a caveman.. but someone who couldn't care less if i lose a limb to help someone else close a deal. maybe that has nothing to do with morals.. but it kinda falls in the same context when cheating your way to meet your quota (on other people's expense) is an issue.

im psyched that 2/6 members of my team are representing us real well making over half a million closed sales from agents... KamoWn!! thats like a first in histroy. i'd have my success stories to preach over and over again but its friggin lizzard shit compared to the power combo team.

.... i'll get back with a more interesting topic to blog about (e.g. how im too old for clubbing.. yes i Am! , or another rant fest.. which is always interesting because its trash talk.)

KuDos to Paola and Gelaboo for a job wonderFucknly done!

pagsuko sa tukso.

anong gagawin mo pag may demonyong gumugulo sa 'yong isipan?na kahit anong pilit.. kahit anong desperadong dasal ang ibulong mo ay di ka matahimik.napapagod na sa kakatakbo mula sa mga humahabol na diwang di mo maiwaksi.
baket kasi kelangan magtiwala at umasa pa kung alam mo naman na ang mundo ay puno ng tukso at pagpapahamak!?gusto ko isara ang aking isipan, ngunit ang mga multong toh ay tila nagpaparusa sa pagpikit at mulat ng 'yong mga mata.
tuloy lang ang aking dalangin, ititikom na ang bibig. wala ka na maririnig. mas mabuti ng maipon toh at maghasik ng kaguluhan sa segradong dingding ng aking isipan, kesa ibahagi pa sa taong nanlilinlang.
ayoko na.


*****
grr i hate it. i hate being paranoid about something..actually anything as futile as having to figure out if this is indeed a paranoia or an intuition.
i need silence.

PANALANGIN SA ANITO ng mga KURAKOT

BAHALA KA SA BUHAY MO!

isa kang kanser.. mas malala.. tumor.. mas malala pa dun.. kulugo!!

ibalik sana sayo ng tadhana ang mga kinukurakot mong paghihirap namin!

*bow*

ang ingay lang..

about the time people get back to their seats after lunch break they either burst out singing lines from songs, relay a 2 paragraph-long chika, talk to themselves regarding the task that they left hanging before the break apparently saying this out loud is the most effective way to register momentum back to your day's work.

i hear all these. amazingly can't piece together relevance of why i take special notice of these observations today.

boredom strikes again. its nice to make sense of irrelevant details of your day and try to hype a sensation out of something literally less than ordinary.

i'm gonna go back looking for candidates. or to the book i've been reading. or probably i'd contribute to someone else's witsful thought of the day.