switch me OFF!

DearG,

Today you listened to me beyond my heart's desires.
You indeed know how to shake me, and that is to take away worldy attachments which includes my faith in friends and my business deals.

THANK YOU!

I shall push forth only with your wisdom. Put me in my right place, and please when you decide to throw another one of this my way, pwede po isa isa lang.

it ain't easy.. no no!!

i'm so flusterred i wish i have double the neuro-chemical action as i did when problems were as simple as do i do my homework later or now coz i'ts due in a few hours. hehehe

I'm teaching the WoMan in the mirror to work and live by ultra mega 360 degree modification to my work attitude:

Cramming is not applicable due to a lot of projections that we have to factor in, because we cannot fail because of sheer faith on our skills nor ignorance of actual performance. AND Complacency is and will never be tolerated. THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.

I still end up nagging my team mates to do super tedious tasks not because i want to guarantee that they cannot be seen as petix at any minute of the day under my clock, but really more off to get me answers to present to our stakeholders.
It would not take a math genius to put the numbers together that equates to palpak na proyekto. Documentation is my only tool to bring reason to judgement that i have to learn from everytime i sit down with the big boss. I know the problem, it may be mostly accounted to a single team player's ambiguity to the role and lack of focus but i assumed that team work is and will be highly reagrded, like a 2nd nature to home-grown folks person.
As we point fingers i get dinged for the persistence of each issue and this pushes me to drive everyone to my fail-safe resolution: if s/he ain't doin it right, don't waste time getting it wrong and just do it right on your own.

End of the day, what you complete will be recognized as your individual contribution. What you did not do right or did not do at all can never be claimed as rightfully yours coz we ain't stupid people to think and believe so.

Its so easy to write about how i feel about the whole project, but there's so many unwritten things and much more highly volatile issues/challenges that i have to figure out. As much as i promised myself not to end up as adversity to anyone that i work with, its seems to be inevitable everytime i try to manage the workload. I know we each signed up for specific funtions but i would want to believe that we will all be judged based on how much more we can do especially when what we committed to accomplish is not anywhere near expectations.

I signed up to help. Not to make things worse.
Is it going to be worth putting my dream on hold?

.... it's less boring and i'm hoping much more rewarding if it's all figured out.

if you catch the drift of this entry, know that i don't like harboring any of this anti-productive thoughts. i need your to help help this team. i can always go back to a steadier function and if i go consistently with everyones attitude we'd all end up where we started, obviously disgraced by a reputation we failed to sustain. when that day comes i shall bow my head and smile at how much of a coward i am to stand up to what was expected of me and all the more greater things that i could have become.. only if knew how to hold the staft to the right direction. Talagang unfair ang life, mas cool ka pag nagsikap kang gawing tama ito para sayo at para sa buong bundo. Gusto ko maging cool kahit wag nang sikat.. basta cool lang.

Stationary

The writer's block is starting to get on my nerves. Over the past months that i didn't get to write i felt numb, i ignored how i value sponteneity all together.

It kinda dawned on me that i don't want to be perceived as somone with chronic case of emotional diarrhea. Literally, i expected this to hurt more than it made me dumb. After the blogging gig, to stop writing was the most dreadful thing to expect. It was like a strange nightmare/phase i went into. I took so much fiction advance-withdrawal for me to submit the projects that i committed to. BADDDD idea.

I have learned my lesson. I shall not exploit my passion for crafts to earn extra money. Like any God-given talent it should be free to influence other to realize what they may be good at.

I am also good in lashing out on anyone... so anyone up for some hardcore realization that might lead to suicide?

hehehe kidding..


... but seriously.. anyone?!?


jk.

got ink?

I just want to press what was made obvious to me lately, a lot of people i know are getting inked.

My brownie sista Gi just got her 2nd tat last saturday 2 weeks after she got her first, and she won't stop at just two skin stamps she's actually thinking of getting another one (with me and Anne--its the three's company thing) next week.

On that same day that Gi told me she's gonna get her name tagged one of my college friends soliceted for my opinion on a tat desiogn she intend to get. It was of a fairy sitting on what looks like a flower. The following week the boo caught me online and just the same solicited an opinion on a tat design he wanted to get. He wanted to get this ---> etched on his bicep, just the skeletal art. Told him the details he wanted would call for a bigger skin area, he kinda left with no reaction. hahahaha!

Here are some pics of Gi's bodyart adn a peek of the magnificent tat artist she's been patronizing.

this is the outline--- then this is the colored one still red from all the etching.

I'm still contemplating whether i'D jump on the bandwagon and join the craze, few things holding me back really. First, its permanent and judging on how i tend to lose interest on things, i might regret getting one that iD get sick of after a year or two. Another one would be, i might get hooked on the pain of getting one and end up looking like a sketch pad with the so many designs i'd like to get. 3rd and most minor would have to be i'm kinda scared my family would be outraged with me getting one. However, i don't think it would be overly frowned upon since both my Kuyas has one and two of my cousins too.

So far i have decide to get one inked over my shoulders draping to the back also i want to get a tree design with my trademark vines and roots and earthy swirly design. There should also be stars within the design and my name. :) I plan to get it by January just like when i got my tongue pierced. A piercing is actually my back-up. :)

Ngiiiiiiiiiiiiiingggggggggggg naaaangiiiiingggggg nagingg nginggggggggggggg nangingingingngiiiiing!!!!! I can see myself getting addicted to this, i need to prepare myself. Wish me luck.

ang ingay lang..

about the time people get back to their seats after lunch break they either burst out singing lines from songs, relay a 2 paragraph-long chika, talk to themselves regarding the task that they left hanging before the break apparently saying this out loud is the most effective way to register momentum back to your day's work.

i hear all these. amazingly can't piece together relevance of why i take special notice of these observations today.

boredom strikes again. its nice to make sense of irrelevant details of your day and try to hype a sensation out of something literally less than ordinary.

i'm gonna go back looking for candidates. or to the book i've been reading. or probably i'd contribute to someone else's witsful thought of the day.

anong oras ako nag post ng blog?! CHUCHU BEWARE

No time to listen to myself. i miss "senti" moments, when you have enough positivity at the end of the day and exhaust what's left of your day's energy making nilaynilay..writing...imagining...wishing..dreaming.weeks have been boring because its too busy to even stay focus. i have learned to cope with stuff and shut off emotions that i want to stay in one area of the day.say... work has always been tainted with marginal politicking, rants over incompetence and blind resignation to get things done and over with. i had a couple of events over the weekend with my officemates, twas a breather and dramatic. all negativity so long as it doesn't hit me directly is neutralized by the horsing around during breaks or when we get to send IMs to each other. I definitely belong to the group that stays evasive of the office issues but could supply reliable intelligence to whoever.. unbiased, well at least if we do take side, we take the lesser evil and more rational party. my family has been pretty fun past few weeks. finally had a chance to take andrea out to the mountains. where she painted walls and kissed the clouds. twas quite misty that weekend but fun all the same. my sista has been in touch, sista gi just a little.. missin her. Anne naman has managed to confuse me with his guy stories. they're interesting but confusing.
once again i have reached steadiness. i need a new drive to finally close deals that i really want to close. more importantly i'd like to seek for new devious ways to put people in their right places. so the world would be a quieter place to live in.
:p
labo lang..

come out and play!!

i'm done with getting too anxious.

i waited and waited annnnnnnnnd waited but i ended up with blaaaaaaaah.



i wish i stop doing that, but then again yesterday could have been a total waste of time if i had not let my mind race with the obscurity of my thoughts.

(writing off a past unfinished post its august 22 already)
and then it happened again.. twice actually had help from bessie to think of an appropriate term for the feeling it brings you... its anti-climactic..in my dictionary its "blaaaaaaaaaaaah"!

so to whom it may concern... iM running on a pretty short leash... yes im patient but don't expect me to have the same level of enthusiasm everytime i don;t get a word from you.

my imagination runs faster than my 2 feet can take me.

Monday mundane horoscope

The Bottom Line
You and your intellectually curious mind will enjoy a controversial conversation.

In Detail
A sweet group conversation could move into very controversial territory today. Some folks might get uncomfortable, but you and your intellectually curious mind will love every minute of it. Dig into the issues that are not cut and dried, and explore all the shades of nuance and interpretation in them. No two people experience the same reality, and it's rewarding to try to explain your particular reality to someone else. Listen with ears wide open.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This could be really tempting if i didn't have a packed week. I once sat with a bunch of drunkards on a Monday night and I must say I enjoyed every minute of it... because I had a little to much to drink myself.

Last week was a complete blah.. worked worked and worked... and spent my friday with sista anne who feels the need to get wasted... when i was so kill joy that i lead her to the mall ...
hahaha... well you know how girls are in the mall... (i'm an excemption to this..don't like shopping at all!) On our way to the 2nd mall I know this could have been a bad idea if i we're at any rate intoxicated because i know what its like floating amongst mobs and mobs of strangers walking endlessly to I don't know .. but i had no choice but to stick with her over getting lost in the mob of strangers.
1st hour she .. we got stuck in a bling bling shop.. 2nd hour we got stuck in national bookstore.
It was nice this time coz i was sober. What bugged me was i did not have the slightest urge to drink... not even to smoke a cigarette.
I told anne about this and she seemed to be happy...still a bit too iffy if i should agree.

why am i pondering on this.....
simple..
bcoz it's a sign that i
might have
forgotten
how
to
get
a
life....

well at least beyond work.

x_X

Trash talk and what nots....(no pun intended)

Sour pussies and reformed losers. Just read this blog, pathetic but utterly amusing.
This has taken a bad toll on how i am accountable to this mishap to some level, and I really feel obliged to save my sista. For now I decide not to make patol and make things worse for my sista and would rather focus on how i'm so thankful to the bunch of kids i hang out with.

My usual group of friends has 2 additional gents to emulate the lunacy that we already are. And for the few times that we sat around a table, a debate happens to materialize.

Usapang Laseng
sober: choose to be a mere observer, coz watching the tipsy and dead drunk arguing is already enough to blow u off yer seat. watch TV on dead air.
tipsy: nostalgic dude. feeding the desire of the dead drunk, creates a very condusive environment for the dead drunk to live up to the "almighty" persona who came about after the 5th glass of vodka 7.
dead drunk: "almighty". Thoughts swing in and out of contradiction struggling to project the wit from overly subjective and IMPULSIVE arguments.
arbitrator: cum video-taker. no comment or cheers on any bench. plays a significant part of documenting the foolishness brought about by extreme stress and alcohol.

*descriptions are based on the consistent characters of the respective persona played from the "few times" we have gone out together. Disclaimer: the following characters interchange on whoever gets drunk worse/more or who chooses to stick to the fizzy juice and pulutan.
By theory: person who has highest stress level = no. of drinks / alcohol level, with variant of innate factors (e.g. convictions/principles no matter how twisted they are) >>> most likely plays dead drunk or tipsy

Thank God for Fridays.
Cheers!

How are you today?

For some reason it's like waiting for your death.





I am sooooo naive when it comes to adventure... which is pathetic because for the longest time i thought i had a dare-devil in me. I am all boring all of a sudden. Yey!





Let me regroup on that identity...





I'd ingest poison..


I'd smoke anything..


I'll NEVER pop... sorry dare me even.. i wont!


I'll drink anything...


I don't and will never sing with other people in teh same room.


I can dance.. in the dark.. with lights lights tigsk tigsk tigsk..


I can climb a mountain... wall.. stairs...


...Slide down any of them too.


I can go up to someone (only when intoxicated or in a place where i know i'll not revisit within the same).


I can lie.. i lie a lot to save my ass and people's ass..


I can stare death straight in the eye (back when i did not have andrea)..well figuratively speaking... i had faith and was so open to dying whenever.





To do list:


Taunt vicious creatures (e.g. fuzzy weeetel wabbitz and hamstersssssss) then kill em if they become too weird.


Bungeee jump. Dive.


Live with strangers.


Quit my job.


kill bad evil people (e.i. parents of street children, greedy evil politicians, motorbike people and ruthless pedestrians, brown cops)


Commission homosexuals to rape dead beat men who discriminate women.


legalize it.


turn money into the most useless thing on earth.


pay debts by good will to others.





Right now. Thought of travelling ain't really as exciting. Primarily because I don't want to be away from Andrea and hmm... just that.





Things change. Catch you next week.

Escape to a dream. Can't wait to fly.