Mind Hiccups: Brain farts and Evul Snooks

!ping me

2010-06-11T11:40:00.003+07:00

what do you intend for me to grow up to with this senseless pain.. with this hopeless game.

i just want to understand.

i lift all the ambiguity to You. hold me together as i fight to love and live at the same time.

heartbreaks are waste of time.

2009-09-14T12:37:00.002+07:00

So was i made to understand but not really believe by 2 guy friends i recently caught up with.

1st guy friend was sooo hinting me to ask about why or more so how he broke it up with his girl. He narrated that he made himself seen with someone else to save himself from a lengthier discussion.. also known as DRAMA since his girl was due to leave for somewhere else.

My reaction: have we evolved to be emotionally retarded that we find this method to be less painful than going through the drama? gawwwd! para san pa ang mga telenobelang di na nahilo sa kaka remake.. its WRONG! i mean.. im not a drama junkie but this is atrocious break-up strategy.

2nd guy friend texted me that his 2 y.o girlfriend broke up with him. On the year that i wished he come out of his boyish ways and start settling down. BUMMER huh?

My reaction: dude.. at least di sinulot! congrats naputoil na ang sumpa! wahahaha!

well i would not know why she broke it off, obvious reasons being... my 2nd guy friend got to obviously retarded for still baing malandi! hahahaha told u to stop it na! :p

how is it a waste of time for heartbreaks for 2nd guy friend? he ranted less.. drunk it all away and he never wanted to talk about it. KAMOWWWN NOW!! if you didn't want me to ask why the hell send me an FYI that you're a bachelor again... (oooooh hohoho.. ooooh.... U SLEAZY DAWG!)

ok that's it this made me realize in have to straighten out someone.

Cheers to men may you never give up in the struggle to be a little more human every time a woman dumps you.

Women are from Venus for a very special reason.

2009-09-14T11:51:00.006+07:00

I have no idea what's the chemical composition of Venus' atmosphere but i have a sure feeling it has to be sooo complicated to breathe.

I have 2 of my closest girlfriends in separate ice boxes... freezing their asses off. hahaha!

They resolved and seems like there's no retiring from that resolution anytime soon because:

UNO: they have successfully preserved their sanity... separately! BRAVA to that ladies.. this is the way it should be if we just escaped a sanity-threatening event..say like if you were a victim of... infidelity.. swindlers that run away your life's savings... found out your dad's gay because he wanted to have his own snazzy shoe collection.

DOS: together with that self-preservation... they have the wildest imagination and have established a solid picture of how they'd act when the lash out session commences. Ok i respect that you would want to go into battle prepared.. over prepared even. Since the idea of mayhem breaks down that only constant thing that anchors them to sanity or preserving the relationship we have all come to agree and call it friendship, they recess to UNO and the thought if being successful in UNO and actually gave up non even trying to regroup.

TRES: They both love talking about the situation and i seem to present myself as the sole medium to make both minds meet. AND i hope both of them realize that i'm not a stenographer and i tend to forget and interpret points of view as as to preserve my own sanity and bring them both to this common ground.

QUATRO: the other just confessed a very retarded way of coping while the other obviously and is keeping pretty hard on how she's supposed to be mature. BOTH i must say INVALID because they never never ever considered how we knew each other. That has to be constant if you really want to forgive and let live. Baggies are for... nomads, we belong together so no need to bring your issues in between each other.

My point being, why the hell are we sooooo caught up with our judgments? Were you hurt that much that everything else is worth forgetting? When did we turn complicated?...i did not get the memo... we don't have memos..

my thoughts why i'm sooo wanting to stop breathing the air you're breathing:
1. coz its staggering both of you to come to your senses.
2. am getting a feeling that i might have over-expected on how we really are.. were. then its high-time for me to stop trying.
3. I wish i was this romantic towards romance. hahaha! it breaks my dopey heart not to try.
4. is it almost hopeless to remember how we came to be? we tore down walls for each other, bashed around so we feel better over stupid things, we respected individuality but never before "that morning after" have we held those differences as reason to be indifferent.

I would want nothing more than you 2 get your asses back here on Earth.. Venus air is trippin' on your mind's really bad.

with hearts hearts xoxo and sad face,

Ruthie

it ain't easy.. no no!!

2009-07-13T19:11:00.003+07:00

i'm so flusterred i wish i have double the neuro-chemical action as i did when problems were as simple as do i do my homework later or now coz i'ts due in a few hours. hehehe

I'm teaching the WoMan in the mirror to work and live by ultra mega 360 degree modification to my work attitude:

Cramming is not applicable due to a lot of projections that we have to factor in, because we cannot fail because of sheer faith on our skills nor ignorance of actual performance. AND Complacency is and will never be tolerated. THERE'S NO TURNING BACK.

I still end up nagging my team mates to do super tedious tasks not because i want to guarantee that they cannot be seen as petix at any minute of the day under my clock, but really more off to get me answers to present to our stakeholders.
It would not take a math genius to put the numbers together that equates to palpak na proyekto. Documentation is my only tool to bring reason to judgement that i have to learn from everytime i sit down with the big boss. I know the problem, it may be mostly accounted to a single team player's ambiguity to the role and lack of focus but i assumed that team work is and will be highly reagrded, like a 2nd nature to home-grown folks person.
As we point fingers i get dinged for the persistence of each issue and this pushes me to drive everyone to my fail-safe resolution: if s/he ain't doin it right, don't waste time getting it wrong and just do it right on your own.

End of the day, what you complete will be recognized as your individual contribution. What you did not do right or did not do at all can never be claimed as rightfully yours coz we ain't stupid people to think and believe so.

Its so easy to write about how i feel about the whole project, but there's so many unwritten things and much more highly volatile issues/challenges that i have to figure out. As much as i promised myself not to end up as adversity to anyone that i work with, its seems to be inevitable everytime i try to manage the workload. I know we each signed up for specific funtions but i would want to believe that we will all be judged based on how much more we can do especially when what we committed to accomplish is not anywhere near expectations.

I signed up to help. Not to make things worse.
Is it going to be worth putting my dream on hold?

.... it's less boring and i'm hoping much more rewarding if it's all figured out.

if you catch the drift of this entry, know that i don't like harboring any of this anti-productive thoughts. i need your to help help this team. i can always go back to a steadier function and if i go consistently with everyones attitude we'd all end up where we started, obviously disgraced by a reputation we failed to sustain. when that day comes i shall bow my head and smile at how much of a coward i am to stand up to what was expected of me and all the more greater things that i could have become.. only if knew how to hold the staft to the right direction. Talagang unfair ang life, mas cool ka pag nagsikap kang gawing tama ito para sayo at para sa buong bundo. Gusto ko maging cool kahit wag nang sikat.. basta cool lang.

To Gi: Melancholy and Emo-FUckedness

2009-05-25T18:22:00.005+07:00

We all get bored sometimes, and most of the time we don't do anything about it.
We all get stupid sometimes, and most of the time we do something else that would turn us moronic.
We all love sometimes, and most of the time we let go because one day we don't want to do anything about it and turn us moronic.

So.. with all our might we struggle to break free of "Love".

The thing about relationships is that we can never say that we can never be dependent of our partners. It is afterall human to relate and to be a parasite towards others. We do this not only towards or with life partners but if you look back on your Love fundamentals i'm pretty sure you have "loved" your folks for giving you allowance even if you're already earning your own money, you heart your barkada for saving your ass in the so many times you could have been grounded, or for giving you that 1st try of everything illegal of your age just for the heck of it. in good and bad times you love and live and move on to more loving and living.

It takes a lifetime to learn, love and get hurt so many times in between. I know you're not too detach from these realities not to account how much pain it takes to cut off a life-line. Pain is essential to your being, to your wanting and needing for greater and truer love wherever that bullshit may be.

Enjoy the ride and like our monthly period.. it hurts but there's nothing that a pill can't fix these days. :p

Cheers sis!

PS

As much as i peg all my advise from my own shitty life, please dont treat them as your own expriences.
I dont trust myself to make better decision not even good ones what you can trust in is that i'll be here for you no matter whats!

mwah

Life is an effed up equation.

2009-03-10T18:43:00.006+07:00

Today i want to exploit some life equations.

We start with the variables:

A: represents your ultimate value (self-perceived of course)

B: represents someone else's total character --- let's keep it to the significant other's category --- of course how you perceive significance is another variable

C: perpetually changing circumstance ---- e.g. emotions, weather, your boss' press releases vs. his/her actions, hair color, etc.

D: Priorities/Commitments: To elaborate, acts or behaviors imposed upon by variable B that should be directly resulting to your E.

E: your (my) reality

Now that we have at least the basic variables to factor in, let's now look into how i am the worst person to be putting them into an equation. Let's get on in pointing out that:

1. No matter how constantly positive your A is, you'd end up with a negative value if you're a friggin push-over!!

2. If you let the good type of Bs surround you 24/7 you'd be too lazy and i bet dumb not to suspect that there's a catch.

3. Keeping it chummy with the most repulsive Bs will eventually give you some headstart and hopefully beat them to ever outsmarting you again... and maybe.. just maybe.. they;d go pick on someone else.

4. E is the heartbreaking value of a badly distorted A. Upon realizing of course that (hopefully not yet too late) A has morphed into B as a result of running away from not so pleasant Cs in order to live by your Ds.

5. If you married to/got together with/stayed for too long with someone with an A that's 2 dimensional... (yes not so flexible.. uh huh them retards..) you'd probably find drama (considering that you've already told them in person, emailed the details for them to get the chance to read back) as a not so efficient mode of communication.

This is like automatically taking out all intuitive types (e.g. sensitivity, empathy, regard for someone else) of emotions coz they wont work and it will just make things more confusing.

One of my theories for this anomaly is that 2D As have heightened Ds. So no matter how petty and stupid their Ds are, it is stil faaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr more important than your drama.

If you know where or how i could get my brain a downgrade please let me know, my multi-dimensional A cannot understand how i could impact and probably be significant enough to change or share their/his Ds.

6. C can be easily manipulated with how you react to Bs. My advise... Dedma.. or at least pretend that you give a damn. Just enough to make em go back to their seats and shut the fuck up.
Time-out / Degree of attention (cross reference to your Ds of course)=B's significance to your E

7. Passive-aggressiveness is the sweetest way to put distorted Bs back to some level of congruence (congruence in relation to of course your Es).

This is word math overload. hope it still makes some sense to me tomorrow. Nosebleed.

Stationary

2009-02-23T16:39:00.002+07:00

The writer's block is starting to get on my nerves. Over the past months that i didn't get to write i felt numb, i ignored how i value sponteneity all together.

It kinda dawned on me that i don't want to be perceived as somone with chronic case of emotional diarrhea. Literally, i expected this to hurt more than it made me dumb. After the blogging gig, to stop writing was the most dreadful thing to expect. It was like a strange nightmare/phase i went into. I took so much fiction advance-withdrawal for me to submit the projects that i committed to. BADDDD idea.

I have learned my lesson. I shall not exploit my passion for crafts to earn extra money. Like any God-given talent it should be free to influence other to realize what they may be good at.

I am also good in lashing out on anyone... so anyone up for some hardcore realization that might lead to suicide?

hehehe kidding..

... but seriously.. anyone?!?

jk.

Tinimbang ngunit kulang...

2008-12-12T11:46:00.004+07:00

I got my anwer alright. We have beat ourselves to what was possible and deliberately blinded ourselves of rthe impossible.

this is by far the biggest frustration for me this year.. with a capital F for fucking failure!!

i am still clueless as to how i'D push to make it next year, damn the few digits that got me knocked off the painstaking journey to meet 2008 quota. As if the 1.4M losses was not enough tragedy, coping after each decline was like waiting for a broken finger to heal.

i'd expect more of that next year, the single certain wish i'd have for next year is to harbor enough courage to confront individuals to support the team instead of kicking us further deeper underground when we encounter similar losses regardless how much it cost. In a perfect world one's happiness/success should be infectious rather than elicit adverse reactions turning hope and damage control efforts as futile as this year.

i'm starting to love what i'd doing primarily because i hate being judged short of my efforts. I can prove them wrong but then again i have to keep in mind that efforts charged by bitterness instantly bring out much worse emotions whether it be good or less good. hahaha!

to #s 6 and 7.. it has to be better luck for next time for us, shall we show them what we are made of? (sugar...spice and a lots of clean honest tricks in the bag) Goojab goojab! Let's do this!!!

got ink?

2008-12-09T16:58:00.008+07:00

I just want to press what was made obvious to me lately, a lot of people i know are getting inked.

My brownie sista Gi just got her 2nd tat last saturday 2 weeks after she got her first, and she won't stop at just two skin stamps she's actually thinking of getting another one (with me and Anne--its the three's company thing) next week.

On that same day that Gi told me she's gonna get her name tagged one of my college friends soliceted for my opinion on a tat desiogn she intend to get. It was of a fairy sitting on what looks like a flower. The following week the boo caught me online and just the same solicited an opinion on a tat design he wanted to get. He wanted to get this ---> etched on his bicep, just the skeletal art. Told him the details he wanted would call for a bigger skin area, he kinda left with no reaction. hahahaha!

Here are some pics of Gi's bodyart adn a peek of the magnificent tat artist she's been patronizing.

this is the outline--- then this is the colored one still red from all the etching.

I'm still contemplating whether i'D jump on the bandwagon and join the craze, few things holding me back really. First, its permanent and judging on how i tend to lose interest on things, i might regret getting one that iD get sick of after a year or two. Another one would be, i might get hooked on the pain of getting one and end up looking like a sketch pad with the so many designs i'd like to get. 3rd and most minor would have to be i'm kinda scared my family would be outraged with me getting one. However, i don't think it would be overly frowned upon since both my Kuyas has one and two of my cousins too.

So far i have decide to get one inked over my shoulders draping to the back also i want to get a tree design with my trademark vines and roots and earthy swirly design. There should also be stars within the design and my name. :) I plan to get it by January just like when i got my tongue pierced. A piercing is actually my back-up. :)

Ngiiiiiiiiiiiiiingggggggggggg naaaangiiiiingggggg nagingg nginggggggggggggg nangingingingngiiiiing!!!!! I can see myself getting addicted to this, i need to prepare myself. Wish me luck.

let me see you beat that...

2008-11-24T11:24:00.003+07:00

Busy time of the year is here again, when i'm stuck chasing something that i half believe in.... (QUOTA!) hehehehe...

It would be wonderful if i did make it, maybe next year i'd believe more than half... hehehe maybe 3/4. Besides, for the whole year i've been like bustlin and petix on and off anyways. Petix kicks in when i get demoralized, being a person with a caveman's moral standards.. ok maybe not a caveman.. but someone who couldn't care less if i lose a limb to help someone else close a deal. maybe that has nothing to do with morals.. but it kinda falls in the same context when cheating your way to meet your quota (on other people's expense) is an issue.

im psyched that 2/6 members of my team are representing us real well making over half a million closed sales from agents... KamoWn!! thats like a first in histroy. i'd have my success stories to preach over and over again but its friggin lizzard shit compared to the power combo team.

.... i'll get back with a more interesting topic to blog about (e.g. how im too old for clubbing.. yes i Am! , or another rant fest.. which is always interesting because its trash talk.)

KuDos to Paola and Gelaboo for a job wonderFucknly done!

pagsuko sa tukso.

2008-10-20T12:36:00.002+07:00

anong gagawin mo pag may demonyong gumugulo sa 'yong isipan?na kahit anong pilit.. kahit anong desperadong dasal ang ibulong mo ay di ka matahimik.napapagod na sa kakatakbo mula sa mga humahabol na diwang di mo maiwaksi.
baket kasi kelangan magtiwala at umasa pa kung alam mo naman na ang mundo ay puno ng tukso at pagpapahamak!?gusto ko isara ang aking isipan, ngunit ang mga multong toh ay tila nagpaparusa sa pagpikit at mulat ng 'yong mga mata.
tuloy lang ang aking dalangin, ititikom na ang bibig. wala ka na maririnig. mas mabuti ng maipon toh at maghasik ng kaguluhan sa segradong dingding ng aking isipan, kesa ibahagi pa sa taong nanlilinlang.
ayoko na.

*****
grr i hate it. i hate being paranoid about something..actually anything as futile as having to figure out if this is indeed a paranoia or an intuition.
i need silence.

PANALANGIN SA ANITO ng mga KURAKOT

2008-10-09T17:09:00.004+07:00

BAHALA KA SA BUHAY MO!

isa kang kanser.. mas malala.. tumor.. mas malala pa dun.. kulugo!!

ibalik sana sayo ng tadhana ang mga kinukurakot mong paghihirap namin!

*bow*

ang ingay lang..

2008-10-07T12:23:00.002+07:00

about the time people get back to their seats after lunch break they either burst out singing lines from songs, relay a 2 paragraph-long chika, talk to themselves regarding the task that they left hanging before the break apparently saying this out loud is the most effective way to register momentum back to your day's work.

i hear all these. amazingly can't piece together relevance of why i take special notice of these observations today.

boredom strikes again. its nice to make sense of irrelevant details of your day and try to hype a sensation out of something literally less than ordinary.

i'm gonna go back looking for candidates. or to the book i've been reading. or probably i'd contribute to someone else's witsful thought of the day.

DiRT

2008-09-24T09:25:00.003+07:00

It’s comforting that fools can spice my workplace up.
When we all thought that we can act our age some can just go back to their juvenile pet peeves and drag other people with them.
Trouble spun out of proportions when constructive criticism was taken viciously by people who decided to win fondness from another when they turn harmless advises into dirt.
No one will take dirt, not even from the people you trust. Won’t blame it all on you hunny.. but really.. whatever offense you took from those words we give back to you for thinking that we could actually stomp on you just like that.
You may be perpetually gullible and we have given you infinite opportunity to level with our admonitions because we want only the best for you. That’s what “friends” do for each other.
We can’t be taken as close as your real “vounzes” but I for one would have enough maturity to tell it to your face than have someone deliver it to you in trash talk.
Let this serve as fair warning/heartfelt reminder to people who intend to have a piece of our ass.. only RATS take pleasure living and feasting on dirt.. Unlike YOU, yes YOU… our skeletons are left to dry out in the open than be kept to rot in maiitim na budhi.

To the lady who got all trampled on by someone else's dirty mouth, i'm sorry you had to believe her more than what we have been to you. Sincerly sorry if you felt bad to hear those from her, but we constantly and will never stop being true to you despite this incedent. Light to you vision.

xoxo goes with ha ha!

..Desiderata..

2008-09-09T07:44:00.003+07:00

Desiderata
by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be
greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career
however humble;
it is a real possession in the
changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you
to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit
to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham,
drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

This is one of the loveliest chemistry of words i've ever read. And it never failed to shoo away dark clouds whenever they come hovering.. There's a tagalog version but it's a bit more like a sermon, if you never listened to anyone but your folks maybe that would work better for you.

*^*^*^*
Hi team mate, today is the day.. Good Luck!! if you feel that today is the right day to make things right i'm with you girl, for sure there would be more times to stand up and speak up.. take your time. :p cheers!

BenteSinKo sinku-sinko..

2008-09-08T16:23:00.003+07:00

I had a horrible encounter with a monster last night. Yup like the boogie man who sneaks up on you while you sleep, only i was wide awake and i'm pretty sure why i became vulnerable.Its never good to bottle up frustrations. Due to over excitement of the long awaited oktoberfest islash bday bash and fatigue from the weather and work.

So i have been sick since tuesday last week, scratchy throat lead to a full-blown infection fever mess, had me plasterred to my bed on Thursday. Come friday i came to work all woozy but i had to smile for the day's sake. wishing that my positivity can boost up the antibodies and drive the infection away just in time for the beer fest..BUT NOOOOO!!!!!! i grew worse by the hour and had a fever in time for the fest, so i resorted to just drink a couple bottles and give it up as soon as my world went blanko.. hahaha! i wanted to go in the tents set along the streets but there were too many emo tikbalangs lurking, i got scared i might contract yet another deadly virus from their impoverished behavior. yuckiness!! so i caught up with anna in shang who just finished a movie, by the time we got to the MRT my pulse rate went up that i was already gasping for air when i got into the shuttle service. i only have enough energy to take a shower and wait for the hubby to go home and tuck me into bed. :(

Saturday was all good, weather was perfect for me not to get another fever relapse but my throat was still terrible that i could only talk in super short sentences. I took pain relivers that also covered my abdiminal pains, by the time the meds wained off my tummy was churning from i dunno what that i didn't get to sleep until i heard birds chirpping. That's a couple of hours of sleep before i had to prepare for our regular sunday trip to the in-laws. Feverish again i prayed that i'd can soon go back to my bed and sleep off the pesteng sunday heat and get better for the coming work week. BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! again.. my hubby wanted to buy me my bday gift, i didnt wanna be KJ so i went along, we went to get me a pair of work shoes. The search went on for good 2-hours in MOA, basta i was exhausted then i had migraine and feverish still. So i was expecting my hubby and i could just like kick it and relax with my daughter, when he went into this phone brigade looking for gimmick still!! ahhhhhhhhhg!!! So i went up and prepared for bed wanted to sleep off the frustration that iD be spending the night alone and have to get up to get the door for the gimikero around 4am... :( I asked him politely not to go out anymore because i was not feeling well but he persisted. I managed to take a nap only to be bugged yet again by the inconsiderate husband for me to go with him. I told him to bog off in a semi-drama tone.. but he wudn't.. i ended up tearing a sleeve off his shirt just to get him out of my face so i could finally retire to my sleep and feel better in the morning, but he put up a fight and i ended up palpitating and an even worse headache.

So here goes my birthday resolution. I shall not tap into my emo side again because it happens to be double-wired with my schizo side as well. A flick on that emotion people usually have to make lambing and tampo and pa tweetums also switches on a psycho in me. Trying to remember how violent and unreasonable the outburst was makes my temples pulsate again and it hurts. So no more of that.

.Steady-way-is-the-best-way.

Much to do about nothing..

2008-09-03T12:48:00.001+07:00

in modern lingo..petix. hehe.. im just too giddy to even start on my tasks.

SanMig started prepping up the stretch of SanMIg Ave for their event on Friday.
Coincedentally that's my bday too.. yes its going to be a very happy beerday indeed.

The wait is getting tooo painful for me to endure.. im to anxious i finish tasks right away, setting aside some not so urgent taks for me to mind just in case i need to pretend to be toxic.

i just saw the venue format for the friday event and this is sooooooo God-sent that teh reggae stage is the closest one to our office. hahaha! hay...
While reading the same memo i had a surreal vision in my head that my bday would be so astig coz iD have my friends raising their drinks and say cheers all together.. yay!!

This is starting to be a yabang mo moment.. just overwhelmed by the kaastigan. oh well gotta go back to work.

Unmoved.

2008-08-26T12:59:00.002+07:00

I have several bunches of really great friends. I have been tripping on Alicia Keys' City Life intro because i love the way she delivered the prose but more than that it reminds me on how some people have the ability to hold me down and get me back to my steady self. To share these lyrics/prose with everyone, i wish my sista a happiest 26th year ahead. It's somewhat gloomy if you read it but really it talks of gaining enough stability to fight your own battles. Chaos is then defined to understand how to put order in this world. Embrace chaos and your life's troubles and don't let go of that itsy bitsy light of achieving ultimate happiness. Love you and you can trust me to keep you grounded as you did me. :p cheers cheers!

Here I am, Here We are
As it will go on forever
Noise, always noise
Candles burn, lights are low
I haven't a place to go

Life in it's in constant state of moving nowhere
The music is nice, floats through the air
Sounds of waves crashing everywhere
Percussive Submissions, mind conditions
Writing with the left hand
Unknowing and taking the chance

Why not fly? Why not try?
This constant game i play to stay high
But all is just a state of mind
All is reality of your choice
Constant evolution, constant adaptation
Constant state of moving nowhere

Footsteps, silence is loud
Kindness is brave, wisdom is long
Loving is necessary, i need it, we need it
Searching, looking for satisfaction
it is nowhere, it is everywhere

Preaching, pleading, praying for God to come
What are we waiting for?
Why are we so afraid of taking charge?
But it's always changing, always
In a constant state of moving nowhere

We all have demons to battle, roads to walk
Crosses to bear, mistakes and sins
Candles and their steady glow
Water in its constant crash

Endless horizon, rocks of time long gone
Still strong, still here and so are we
Here we are forever
In a constant state of moving nowhere.

boxed up.

2008-08-19T16:36:00.000+07:00

What's the term to word one's capability to be influenced? vulnerability? errr does that cover the act of actually analysing and backing out and evading the actual influence?

On that note, i just remembered i'm supposed to blog about this type of situations before but never got the chance to remember to post one. I have noticed that i soak up on emotions when i'm around someone who's vastly immersed in an extreme state of emoteness.. hahaha. (hay language are of my brain has deteriorated.. i cannot be sober for so long!!!) and in the course of my professional life, this ability of getting drenched with someone else's emotions i could now say only has put me in this box where i want so much to relate but would not dare because i'm so much of a sissy to handle the complications. (sissiness is the result of stubborness and laziness to promote change big enough to ruin a mediocre routine of a life that you already have.. hehehe just so we're clear..)

What's the point of the blog then? uhmmm.. wla lang.. just wanted to share that i'm still stuck with no appropriate reaction to influences that puts my priorities at stake hence i have to blame myself for being a sissy to move on.. see the light that others saw... hehehe.. kelan kaya ako manenega and have a full-blast rampage of negativity? What can i do when that happens? for some reason all i could see are dark images of me gunning down all fugly people in front of me, and my quick-fix would be to treat anyone who witnessed it to a can of soda and a stick of yosi.. KALMAAAAAAAAA! hehehehe.. pasalamat na lang tayo sa Diyos na ginwa niya kong steady. *bow* thanks po!

anong oras ako nag post ng blog?! CHUCHU BEWARE

2008-08-11T16:38:00.000+07:00

No time to listen to myself. i miss "senti" moments, when you have enough positivity at the end of the day and exhaust what's left of your day's energy making nilaynilay..writing...imagining...wishing..dreaming.weeks have been boring because its too busy to even stay focus. i have learned to cope with stuff and shut off emotions that i want to stay in one area of the day.say... work has always been tainted with marginal politicking, rants over incompetence and blind resignation to get things done and over with. i had a couple of events over the weekend with my officemates, twas a breather and dramatic. all negativity so long as it doesn't hit me directly is neutralized by the horsing around during breaks or when we get to send IMs to each other. I definitely belong to the group that stays evasive of the office issues but could supply reliable intelligence to whoever.. unbiased, well at least if we do take side, we take the lesser evil and more rational party. my family has been pretty fun past few weeks. finally had a chance to take andrea out to the mountains. where she painted walls and kissed the clouds. twas quite misty that weekend but fun all the same. my sista has been in touch, sista gi just a little.. missin her. Anne naman has managed to confuse me with his guy stories. they're interesting but confusing.
once again i have reached steadiness. i need a new drive to finally close deals that i really want to close. more importantly i'd like to seek for new devious ways to put people in their right places. so the world would be a quieter place to live in.
:p
labo lang..

You Shall be Happier.

2008-07-09T11:57:00.003+07:00

I promised someone that i would blog about him because i am such a good friend to always forget his birthday.
A week before the said day we connected and vented out rants that came-a-floodin' our way. I was miserable with my marriage (as usual), he was then bursting with frustration (well at least that was what i caught).
If there would be anything that we could be known for, it would be how relaxed we generally take anything that comes into our lives. Ang mga di magiba ay malamang matibay. :p This particular instance (amongst the many) the prevailing dilemma emotianally drained our sanity. Different from the easily-rattled personas, if your steady like we are steady we don't easily go into a rampage but more complex reaction of resigning to ignorance to handle such problems. Sitting back literally we desperately wish for the dark cloud to go away, for the time that it hovers above our heads every action is senseless from teh lack of concern that things could get worse.

As what my sms said, i can't pray for anything more but you be happy that you survived your past year and happier that you are living another one. Stay steady, act on what you deem is right. If you feel that you've wasted your past years, think again ..and again.. and again.. while you hold that ice cold bote of happy horse and fool life in its own game. Happier year ahead and sorry for the delay. hahaha.. i can't promise i'll remember next year, but hey.. doesn't make me much less of a friend, does it?

Cheers Man!

RoOtz

seriously...

2008-06-12T17:38:00.003+07:00

been eeyore-ish for 3 days now, my marriage (well the fun part of it) is like a drug.. so temporary but fucks me out of my sanity most of the time -- this i think made my imagination run short because i'm always imagining that my marriage is still ok.

Low times like these have made me bargain with life/fate (all the same) again.. and re-evaluate the values that i'd like to keep if i were to hold this marriage together for my kid's sake. (this is so against my values as it is).

1. respect. i expect it but wont demand it. i guess its practically kind not to force someone (my husband in particular.. who else is in thsi marriage anyways?!) to change for my convinience/happiness, otherwise i should have just married myself to want someoene to change to my likings.

> value my values, if i don't complain it doesn't mean i don't mind. you don't have to live, stomping on my opinions isn't the most polite way to be with someone. value my values, i can't value yours coz i dont think you have any.. your family already gave up on you buster, i'm you're last chance retard! --- this happens to be the most infuriating coz for some reason i still believe that you'd be a good dad if i just show you what you need to value.

> take me fucking seriously you numbnut! ok i understand that you respect my independence but men some guts you have to take everything that comes from me like some fucking joke! ...di na nakakatawa...

2. transparency=trust. (yes not love and what have you.. thats too vague to discuss.. u wouldn't want to taste the bullshit theat would come out of me in this condition) much to do with respect, i guess this i want in a relationship because i hate frustrations. Let me know what you need me to do and where i should stand .. and i'll be that. Don't keep me guessing and blame me for not making the right guesses when you can always tell me how i should be.. im very open to opinions, that's the dare-devil part of me.

> honestly until now you won't let me in. i scared of the idea of having to compromise more things that i value just to get you to trust me. well if you don't trust me with your life.. go fuck yerself buster.. coz i have already tried killing myself for u once just to make you pay attention to what im trying to say! maybe i should just do it huh?! (poor andrea stuck with an imbecile dad).. i'd give her up for adoption before i slith my throat or something.

just 2 things now.. i ahve already given up my dreams.. love and my independence.

so help me God.

Poetry in Smut

2008-05-27T20:02:00.005+07:00

Thumps passes through my ear, whispers so only i hear.
A tease for the senses, fierce and senseless.
You zone in leaving me with a grin.
Racing with your fantasy, dragging me in perplexity.
Thoughts thrive to inspire what we could casually desire.
Pensive rush crashes with every thrust.
Sensuality need not to be filth-o-kinky
Fitting wit more that sculptured built.
Challenge of this kind could be the fetish in mind.

2 cents on booty-calls.
kapootz

poser posed

2008-05-26T12:32:00.002+07:00

They say all is fair in love and war.
You had me scared wishing on a star.
They would say dopest love conquers all.
Not when you chickened out to take the fall.
We never really had each other, just wasting time to be together.

+rest bleeped too personal to post+

rootz in rage 2007

dream love dream

2008-05-26T12:24:00.003+07:00

Escaped in my sleep
hasty
vague
deep,
away to a listful reverie
cauth in vulnerable memory.

Tears fall looking up to a waterfull.
Trafficked thoughts
bottled up notes.

Drifting to my sorrows waking misery follows.
I believe of a God, love had me tied up and gagged.

Tough love can never be kind trade sweet kisses for numbing cold bruises.
You're cursed too brilliantly, lived to the worst to have love first.

Gave me your name i played just the same,
there's never a place for shame in this game.

rootz 2007

love killed romance

2008-05-26T08:46:00.003+07:00

Eagerly anticipating,
all i hear is my own gasping.
As i hold the
world's
spinning.

F L O A T I N G steadily
in ZERO
gravity.

drawn to the melody of total serenity.

waiting..................
as i mumble,
thoughts
turn
& tumble.

Your
captive
stare
and
playful
glare,
retards logic
blissful psychotic.

Premeditated, longed-for and awaited.

S
E
D
A
T
E
D

E
L
A
T
E
D

carefully calculated.

De
ranged
with
c a u t i o n
drives drama
to
exhaustion.

Not by a chane,
not even
another glance

Love
killed
romance.

rootz 2007

Warlaloo!!

2008-05-21T14:26:00.002+07:00

Currently faclitating a simulation.

For the record... this is he most tensed of all those i have administered. x_X

Stuck to their guns, uncertain that they are even loaded. hahaha!

This reminds me over and overrrr and overrrr again how im not into arguments, i could easily work around the group's decision. but this 3 people.. goodness!

i get frustrated having to chase around my tail, what more having to follow other people chase heir tails and mine.. arf arf.. cut it off that's my decision.

and i have realized that this might be the reason how i'm socially inept, probably why i did not have successful relationships. If i dont have it my way i'll let u be but man u have to do something for me to stop moping, and if and when i have it my way my conscience will bug me to eternity for not giving way. Plus im too lazy to actually systematize how i could come up with the best decision. hahahaha! draw-lots ... ineeeminimineymow is the best way to go!

ok i think this simulation cum debate would last another hour... im doomed.. my guide doesn't say anything about extensions and how to shut em up. so im just gonna sit here until they drop dead or the ceiling fall on them.. or they kill each other... either way.. i have to endorse them.

kawawa.

tamaditis

2008-04-09T17:23:00.003+07:00

been lazy.

i hate it when i know i can do something so easily that i procastinate to an extremely dysfunctional level.

2 days now and it saks!

(4.22 -earthday)

it happens on tuesdays and wednesdays in particular, when i get to a friday the day would turn out too short for what's pending. hehehe (ano pa nga ba mapapala ko?)

procastination is an art and not so much of a science because it defies structure and method. it's over-confidence that you can do the job and wouldn't need that much of the usual time to get things done instead you resort to multitasking to a neurotic level that your adrenaline level must be a bar higher than having to run a marathon.

...in pursuit of this behavior's significance to today's event... it's literally stopping to smell the flowers?! hahahaha
people with short attention span would have the tendency to make this a routine (like me..) nothing beats the rush you get of having to race with the hourglass and having just your faith to keep you going ang get things done.

too much word play for an addictive mentality.

i guess no one really gives an effing care.

Blog #1 - 2008

2008-03-10T17:42:00.003+07:00

Whoa!!

my first blog of the year... what have i been doing?? i cannot believe it took me three months to post and its really sad that it took me that long!!

and i have never been uberly busy, i just thought that i posted just recently (like having the "i did last week.." feeling whenever the thought pops into mind).

Since this is my forst 2008 blog, i'd like to share with you a fear that's been hovering over mah already twisted mind...

i have this strange feeling i'm turning normal. (normal to my perspective is boring ok!! how i define it.. well someone who rants less and just smiles at anything that comes her way). well by my definition, it doesn't look that bad, maybe i'm aging.. waaaaah!! aging bad.. normally! well here are the symptoms of this paranoia:

1. switch channels when i see re-runs of my favorite cartoons.. (i used to love this.. i even download simpsons.. and nick toons)
2. bisyo is like down to yosi and alak.. well hmmm... believe me i have outgrown the exitement of doing anything illegal.
3. january and february passed and i have managed to not entertain extra curricular activities. yun e! well it should be something that i be proud of.. because i deliberately resisted. AMEN!!
4. i have not gone out with any of my sistahs for more than once a month.. AND I UBER MISS EM!! miss u.. miss the crazy steady nights.. hay... sistah anne... hope you'd come out of that shell yer in.. well your ok.. not that ur not ok now.. just have a sure hunch (haha) that there are a lot of thisng in yer mind that u havta shrug off.. you can tell me to piss off now.. but really.. im here. sistah gi.. hmmm you being plural for a year now.. i am way passed getting selos with the huggy time.. well i know your busy and its just crazy.. i miss u! brotha ojee.. i wish u stop working way beyond your working hours and spend more time with us drinking.. minsan na lang nga e!!
5. whatttellllllz?!?!?! im working more than i have to.. and its like a new mantra or something.. pre-imposed.. but really if u ask me this is because the previous symptoms transpired and i am left with just work to make me busy.
u want proof of this, i talk about work even when we're out drinking.

okidokily... i wish iD not age to boredom.

pretty simple wish. i hope (wish again) my friends hear me out and take me away before its too late, i'd might end up figuring out a rubix cube (trivia: no patience and logic in my head thats like a rainbow to me.. oooh colorrrs)

ok tata for now..

Purge my dreams..

2008-01-10T08:52:00.002+07:00

This is horrible!

*ok.. i never got to write beyond the 1st line of this post... its been 5 months since i drafted this.. hahaha ha!*

i had a couple of dreams having my hubby shrug me off like i was a rag doll.

it hurts palaaaaaaaaaaa! hahahaha

anyways..

ok that "anyways" line was written on a different day. hahaha! i am obviously desperate to go back to blogging and my friggin schedule is 80% working 30% petix (yes its really sobra.. my officemates can access this blog an i need to be consistent.. hehehe )

ok about my dreams, have had vivid and vague ones since January. apart from the hostile marital dreams... i also dreamt of hurricanes hurling over me and i end up unharmed and got to blissfully enjoy the aftermath of the big whirly thing!

according to the dream book this depicts challenge/struggle, and if i know anything about dreams more than the visions and the ambiguity of situations what's significant would be how you feel in your dreams. This was actually consistent since i have been ranting from having too much to do with so little time. (this was when our team lost a couple of consultants and i had to take on their accounts... WAAAAAAAAAAAY TOOO MUCH! ..sober <--deal breaker!)

dreaming .. (ok brb,... tatad wants to drinky... maybe another day...)

ok back to finish this blog.. prolly its not meant to be finished...

also i dreamt of numbers.. as in digits.. so like any person in her right mind.. i lined up to put it up for the Lotto draw.. friggin 250M.. why not men? dreaming wealthy is i guess healthy.

its already april and my dreams have been vague. nothing blog material.

cheers!

Adios 2007

2007-12-28T16:04:00.000+07:00

Paalam sa taong nakaraan.. *BOW*

sarap sumayaw ng mataktak ang lahat ng sama ng loob at mga pagdududang ibinaon at naipon sa paglipas ng mga buwan. *bugtong hininga*

isa nanamang taon para para maiwaksi ang mga nakaraang pagkakamali..
umasa.. na 'tong taon na toh ay mas makabuluhan kesa sa nakaraan.
para mangarap..at gumawa ng mga bagong pangarap.

di ko 'lam kung ako lang ang may ganitong pakiramdam.. pero napaka-steady ng taon na 2007.

*usapang adik nanaman...walk out!*

pero seryoso.. parang bilis lumipas.. walang effort.. di ko lubusan nakamit lahat ng plano ko, pero ok naman. Di masyado pinansin ang kadramahan ng buhay.. dinedma lang.

pangkalahatan..
Salamat sa Diyos at buhay pa ko, masaya kahit papaano at nasa mabuting kaispan.
Salamat sa mga nameste at nanakit..kundi dahil senyo tuluyan na ko nabato.
Salamat sa mga payaso at mga kaibigang nabahiran ng kabaklaan.. dahil senyo nakalimutan ko ang mga problema.

Salamat salamat salamat!

Sa 2008 sige ikasa mo.. wala nang ilagan toh!

~ rootz

define "Will"...

2007-12-26T15:51:00.000+07:00

Hey there brothers and sisters in Christ, Buddha, Allah and Pacquio!

it's the 26th of December and i just had one of the steadiest Christmas i ever had, is it karma that having been brought up with festive holidays i now celebrate Christmas in the solitude of the simplest joys.

Define Simplest joys:

1. have to spend it with in-laws than my family... (they happen to be super stingy and provincially traditional) ... i have to be a grown up when i'm with them being around pamangkins and all.. well i enjoyed the food.. there.

2. drove up to my lola's house to celebrate with MY side of the family.. we were rather late and caught up with a couple of my cousins.. my sick and almost blind lola.. and yesssss my tita who poured her misery on me (that's going to be another blog opportunity).

3. grown up gifts just make you smile.

4. smell of baked goodies and bidding gBye to christmas with a glass of vodka in hand.

Moving on to my blog title, learning that things do change and i really have to grow up, life seems to greatly depend on your faith. Not gonna go religeous on you .. nope not me.
By faith i mean sheer perseverance that you deserve equal if not 10x more happiness with every challenge that you overcome.
This "faith" dictates your will to move forward. yup.. driving force so to speak, whether to surpass a heartache or prolong joy. *such big words.. nosebleed*

This next section would talk much about how i see my God. (feel free to exit coz i myself is weirded out by this idea..)
Well.. the 2 venues where i celebrated my chirstmas gave me a view of how i want to grow up.
My in-laws' christmas lunch together didnt turn out as planned.. twas quite horrible actually too personal to expound on. For whatever its worth i actually want me not to be like them, i'm super thankful that my definition of family is beyond attendance and short-patience. This season i pledge to etch my definition of family into my daughter (kids.. in 5 years time).. my husband is a work in progress.. he can always quit if he likes.. i'm better solo. hehehe.. but its God's will that he's stuck with me vis-a-vis.
Christmas over at the Regala's pretty much saddened me more than the in-law's hysteria. Because we came in late, food was there.. and its just sad that there were not much laughs.. and no family. huhuhuhu... again things happen for a reason.. i haven't pledged on anything but i surely would want to keep it together for our generation.
(haba na nito...for that let's wait for my next blog).

Happiness is a choice... Joy requires will.

xoxo,

Ruthie 2007

BLAG! ..shit talk...

2007-11-08T08:00:00.000+07:00

hay i miss writing...
i have noticed that i haven't been talking to myself lately. (confessions of a psycho)

I’m soooooo deep in dry shit.. (yes! the flaky dehydrated shit that rests on your front yard from the neighbor’s dog poo from 3 days ago). Here’s why…

I have been on some evul deed for quite some time to hang on to my dear sanity that I’m in the verge of loosing from utter boredom.

By boredom I mean complete detachment from what you do, and having your head stuck in some cloud 9 just waiting for this sign that I stop being bored.

I tried analyzing what’s going on with me and the best explanation I could think of would be I’m fighting off anxiety from work’s pressure. --- 1M worth of backlogs that I have 2 months.. well a month and a half to work on.—That or I’m just having the time of my life pulling this big drama act to get people’s sympathy…unlikely right? So I’ll go for the 1st one.

This is the dry shit… and I am so capable but super lazy to get our of this stinky place, plus the grass is nice and warm. ^_^

Maybe tomorrow… or next week… someone would sweep the shit I’m in and I would have to find me new challenges to get my blood pumpin’…fresher shit.. hehehe.

This has been nice.. til next time!

Bente Quatro

2007-09-12T11:34:00.000+07:00

my 23rd year was quick and .... too quick that it was painless so to speak.

Backtracking to the year i tied the knot, i officially kept my dreams in a dark and cold bunker with strong hopes that my life turns out to be manageable enough to permit such dreams to prosper.

2 years of virtually being dreamless obvoiusly took toll in my lifestyle and mind-set. From bitchy i became grouchy to the point of exhaustion that i only feel the urge to cry after i attempt to kill myself, not in any other occasion.

twas addictive to an extremely horrible manner. When an interesting conversation with a friend would start and end with spiful litany of people...work...life in-general. Looking back at it, twas like a cancer that spread rapidly and ate up all the sunshine i had inside.

Bottled up with frustrations from my own stubborness, i literally felt that i had nothing to offer to the world. living life in vain i found refuge in my daughter and recent moving back in with my dad and siblings.

24th year i want to absolve myself from these baggages that materialized over the years.

How?

beats me! hehe.. i guess i want to be me again but not denying the possiblity of what the past few years made of me. for this year its hakuna matata ... closing my eyes to opportunities to turn into this grim and letting go.

- out of sight out of mind...
- wake up and sleep with a smile or not wake or sleep at all.
- be more consistent
- patience and acceptance
- humility of will in chasing my stars
- less admonitions more cheers to spread at times of crisis (<--this wud drive me crazy.. beats being consistent... i guess its more of thinking really well before acting on impulse)

i have 6 years to make me work... happiness is a choice and was never promised as destiny... i don't believe in destiny anyways.. so i just be happy coz i wna be happy. As for my dreams....... hmmmm.... again... let go.. letting go.

*pislabenrakenrol*

2nd star to the right..that's neverneverland!

2007-09-03T14:33:00.000+07:00

this was suppose to be about my trip to Mabalacat with my sistahs ang chief Ojee..

it was

Fun

and Bitin..

so what the heck.. that's all i can remember..

Didja know that.....

2007-08-30T11:12:00.000+07:00

here's an interestingly sober conversation i had with wene. Why stress being sober.. imagine if we we're on anything....it all started out with me getting nosey on his stat msg: "I bet it was unknown to you that "Fankenstein" is not the name of the monster in the movie Frankentein"

roOtz : frankenstein is the doctor right?!
roOtz: frankenstein jr. hahahaha
wene taaah dude: hahahahahahahahahaha!
wene taaah dude: no dude!
wene taaah dude: hahahahahaha
wene taaah dude : You wanna know the answer?
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:29:50 AM): hahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:30:01 AM): but twas the doctor right?!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:30:05 AM): igor is d sidekik
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:30:08 AM): hahahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:30:12 AM): mujamba!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:30:15 AM): hahahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:30:31 AM): b abajeeebabajeeegalooo
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:30:36 AM): teehihihi
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:33:02 AM): Yeah, Frankenstein is the Doctors name
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:33:15 AM): igor is the sidekick
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:33:59 AM): what in the world is "b abajeeebabajeeegalooo"
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:34:03 AM): ??????
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:34:06 AM): hahahahahahahahahaha!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:45:22 AM): read it with an indian accent
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:45:23 AM): hahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:45:25 AM): is fun
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:45:31 AM): baaah baaaah jeeeeeeeee
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:45:35 AM): babajigalooo
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:45:51 AM): bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:45:53 AM): go slow on the first 3 syllables then fast for the rest
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:45:54 AM): dude!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:45:59 AM): hahaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:46:07 AM): bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:46:09 AM): Dude!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:46:10 AM): cut me some slaaaack im not stoned!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:46:13 AM): you on medication?
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:46:17 AM): hahaha no
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:46:20 AM): hahahahahahahahahahahahahha!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:46:21 AM): ok ok
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:46:23 AM): just having a weird day
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:46:23 AM): hahahaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:46:30 AM): I can see
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:46:33 AM): hahahahahahahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:46:44 AM): babajeeebabajeeegalooo
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:46:51 AM): its from rX kaya
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:47:00 AM): the summer thing that they had
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:47:23 AM): ok so wats the monster's name?!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:53:34 AM): you really really really really really really want to know?
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:53:49 AM): would you lose sleep over it if you didn't find out?
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:53:50 AM): wene
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:53:53 AM): its wene right?!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:53:56 AM): no
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:53:57 AM): hehe
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:54:00 AM): i could google it
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:00 AM): yezzzz
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:54:02 AM):
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:03 AM): no
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:07 AM): no?
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:09 AM): hahahahaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:15 AM): Ok I'll tell you.
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:54:16 AM): yer weirder than i am..
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:54:18 AM): hahahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:54:22 AM): ikaw ata di makakatulog e
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:54:31 AM): do u really wna tell meeeee?!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:38 AM): no point in letting Google take all the credit
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:46 AM): yes i do yes i do
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:49 AM): haha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:52 AM): ok here it is....
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:54:57 AM): The monster
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:55:00 AM): will u lose sleep over it if u dont get to tell me!??!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:55:10 AM): ima google it
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:55:14 AM): no
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:55:20 AM): no
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:55:22 AM): i cnt see the point why this is so suspense all of a sudden
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:55:22 AM): no
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:55:27 AM): let me tell you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:55:28 AM): i had enough suspense from lost
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:55:33 AM): ok shhhhhh
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:55:35 AM): the last episode is crazy
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:55:41 AM): im about to tell you
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:55:43 AM): and i wud hav to wait for another 5 months
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:55:44 AM): hahahaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:55:46 AM): dont change the topic!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:55:50 AM): noooooooooooooooooooooooo!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:55:52 AM): do i really wna know!?
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:55:54 AM): hahahaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:56:01 AM):
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:56:02 AM):
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:56:11 AM): go on go on
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:56:13 AM): bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:56:18 AM): the monster
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:56:24 AM): mojako!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:56:26 AM): doesn't have a name...
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:56:30 AM): ano ba!!!!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:56:34 AM): anti-climactic!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:56:39 AM): you sooooooooooo,
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:56:39 AM): i give him a name
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:56:41 AM): yes!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:56:46 AM): messed up the climax!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:56:48 AM): i now dub theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:56:59 AM): wait!!!!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:57:07 AM): the kwento's not over yet!!!!
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:57:10 AM): i really havta think of a cool name coz this will go down in history..
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:57:12 AM): ok
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:57:13 AM): ok
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:57:16 AM): dont take my 15 minutes of fame!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:57:26 AM): hahahahaa
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:57:28 AM): hahahaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:57:29 AM): ok well
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:57:32 AM): iL beat u to it
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:57:37 AM): haha joke
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:57:39 AM): cmon go on...
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:57:52 AM): he was always refered to as "Adam of you labours"....
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:57:57 AM): he never had a name!!!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 11:58:05 AM): coooooooooooooooooool noh?
roOtz (8/30/2007 11:59:53 AM): .... this is so geeky of u..
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:01:08 PM): i know man....
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:01:09 PM): sigh....
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:01:14 PM): what's happening?
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:01:20 PM): I used to be soooooo......
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:01:26 PM): dreamy?
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:01:32 PM): no that's not the word....
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:01:39 PM): non-chalant!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:01:47 PM): hahahahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:01:50 PM): wahahahaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:01:53 PM): yeah, but now I gotta share everything with everyone...
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:01:56 PM): hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:02:09 PM): i wna post this conversation in my blog
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:02:13 PM): hahahahsaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:02:19 PM): bwahahahahahaha!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:02:22 PM): i was.... eager to listen to u
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:02:30 PM): Shit dude.... I'll let you do that
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:02:38 PM): but u know my curiousity aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalways gets the best out of everything... thenk KAPLAT!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:02:43 PM): if noone cool reads your blogs!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:02:45 PM): hahahahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:02:52 PM): hahahahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:02:59 PM): Ym saw me blogging
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:03:05 PM): yeah that's Wene, always worried that he wont be considered one of the beautiful people....
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:03:07 PM): i was doing something in paint
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:03:13 PM): sigh.... I'm soooooo shallow1
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:03:32 PM): ok,...i wont post it na.. coz urt turnin my image around
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:03:34 PM): hahahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:03:39 PM): uer so not like that!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:03:40 PM): hahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:03:42 PM): fishing!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:03:53 PM): bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:04:00 PM): no dude, it's not fishing...
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:04:04 PM): it's uhmmmm.....
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:04:10 PM): fine.. its using a lambat!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:04:24 PM): finding assurance... how do you make that one word?
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:04:27 PM): hahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:04:36 PM): affirmation?!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:04:39 PM): lambat!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:04:46 PM): ima get coffee wait
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:04:53 PM): ok great
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:05:33 PM): I CANT DRINK COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:05:45 PM): but I want it bad man!!!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:05:55 PM): ssssshhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeyyyyyytttttttt!!!!!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:06:03 PM): ok, fuck.
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:06:04 PM): meeting
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:06:05 PM): y cant u!?
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:06:06 PM): shit,
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:06:08 PM): ok
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:06:09 PM): lunch meeting!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:06:14 PM): waw!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:06:23 PM): come on people lunch is my only time to myself!!!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:06:30 PM): thanks for the trivia.
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:06:43 PM): don't make me go to your stupid meetings
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:06:46 PM): no problemo
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:06:57 PM): I'm gonna keep typing so they think that I'm busy
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:06:57 PM): haha 2 urself?! y wud u wna be alone!? seeesh talk about intorverted.
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:07:02 PM): hahaha
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:07:06 PM): more triviaaaaaaaaaaa
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:07:08 PM): more!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:07:15 PM): didja know that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:07:28 PM): see that makes a clever blog title.. ima do it now.
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:07:30 PM): so they can start without me.... that should save me a couple of minutes of utter boredom
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:07:30 PM): cheers
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:07:34 PM): hahahahaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:07:38 PM): ok!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:07:39 PM): elitista!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:07:47 PM): And I could be your thingy
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:07:52 PM): of course not!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:07:57 PM): what thingy?!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:08:06 PM): thingy
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:08:12 PM): uhmm...
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:08:13 PM): topic
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:08:15 PM): *mind off the gutter.. yer talking to balhoneeeee*
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:08:16 PM): or or or
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:08:26 PM): shit that works too!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:08:27 PM): ano baz.. this is my personal blog
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:08:28 PM): haha
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:08:32 PM): not those i worked on!
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:08:36 PM): ok then!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:08:38 PM): hahahaha
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:08:43 PM): knock yourself out!
roOtz (8/30/2007 12:08:46 PM):
wene taaah dude (8/30/2007 12:08:46 PM): hahahahahaha

evul snook: Therapy

2007-08-30T07:44:00.000+07:00

This poor drafted image illustrates my idea of being close to the edge. This is mere depiction of how i can throw u off the edge unto oblivion...

The 1st time i got this idea i doodled on my planner. I was holding the guy by the neck as he would have to make a call if he wants to die from my grip or get killed from the cliff-drop. hehehe...

Its fairly easy for me to let go of something..someone who i willingly dispose.. or it can be mutual. What ticks me off most of the time would be the questions left up in the air.. being impulsively curious i need to answer them or make myself believe that its lost cause.

What would it be then?!

come out and play!!

2007-08-17T09:27:00.000+07:00

i'm done with getting too anxious.

i waited and waited annnnnnnnnd waited but i ended up with blaaaaaaaah.

i wish i stop doing that, but then again yesterday could have been a total waste of time if i had not let my mind race with the obscurity of my thoughts.

(writing off a past unfinished post its august 22 already)
and then it happened again.. twice actually had help from bessie to think of an appropriate term for the feeling it brings you... its anti-climactic..in my dictionary its "blaaaaaaaaaaaah"!

so to whom it may concern... iM running on a pretty short leash... yes im patient but don't expect me to have the same level of enthusiasm everytime i don;t get a word from you.

my imagination runs faster than my 2 feet can take me.

Hey Call Center Dude!

2007-08-08T11:11:00.000+07:00

We only come out at night, the days are much too bright.
We only come out at night.

And once again, youll pretend to know me well, my friends.
And once again, Ill pretend to know the way.
Thru the empty space.Thru the secret places of the heart.

We only come out at night, the days are much too bright.
We only come out at night

I walk alone, I walk alone to find the way home.
Im on my own, Im on my own to see the ways.
That I cant help the days, you will make it home o.k.
I know you can, and you can.

We only come out at night, the days are much too bright.
We only come out at night.

And once again, youll pretend to know that.
Theres an end, that theres an end to this begin.
It will help you sleep at night.
It will make it seem that right is always right.

Alright?

We only come out at night.

(We Only Come Out at night by The Smashing Pumpkins)

hehehe..this is sooooooo for you guys!

xoxo,

RoOtz

err ok.

2007-08-03T16:43:00.000+07:00

thoughts to ponder on.

how do i manage to get bored when i have episodes of dual personalities. hehe.. my former seatmate (betty) often catch me talking to myself.. and actually having a well rounded dialouge.

i'm thinking if i make good use of this mind play then i would be self-sufficient and guarantee zero-boredom when i hit it off well. hehehehe...

my only struggle would arise when im extremely sleepy then i can't make myself a buddy since brain is in a lull. like now.

just got a ping in taaaaaaah brain. started raining and i'm hyped but still in a blaaaaaaaaaah..

oh well... i just can't imagine how difficult i can bve if i was subjected to catharsis. i am happy with having company within my own mind. hehehe...

lovely day for paranoia..isn't?!

2007-07-31T07:27:00.000+07:00

fair enough...

i have a little too much to bite that i have strained my jaw chewing on it...(so to speak..)

today i officially back off... not because i am kind ... not even because i want to save my face.. (haha!)

but its getting me paranoid.

but let it be understood that i don't want to miss the chance to relay my omnipotence over this situation. I have had my share of mishaps and frankly speaking i got out of it with minimal help took the painful way out in admitting to my faults.

you are weary of whatever reason but you yourself depicted a monster of this person. Are you not shunning away from the horror of your actions confussing yourself of a brave warrior!? not even a rat would scamper away from your glares, it's cold but you bear fear within hence they opt to watch you in wonder and disgust.

Your terrorizing yourself hunny... for whatever reason.. i bet yer life is pretty boring more than it's messed up. Do yourself a favor and before you throw some angst have yer mind set in actually achieving something worth the persona you are trying to project. Right now your act is of a coward.. not impressing anyone your doing yourself more harm.

*just a little disturbed..that's all!*

Monday mundane horoscope

2007-07-23T07:39:00.000+07:00

The Bottom Line
You and your intellectually curious mind will enjoy a controversial conversation.

In Detail
A sweet group conversation could move into very controversial territory today. Some folks might get uncomfortable, but you and your intellectually curious mind will love every minute of it. Dig into the issues that are not cut and dried, and explore all the shades of nuance and interpretation in them. No two people experience the same reality, and it's rewarding to try to explain your particular reality to someone else. Listen with ears wide open.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This could be really tempting if i didn't have a packed week. I once sat with a bunch of drunkards on a Monday night and I must say I enjoyed every minute of it... because I had a little to much to drink myself.

Last week was a complete blah.. worked worked and worked... and spent my friday with sista anne who feels the need to get wasted... when i was so kill joy that i lead her to the mall ...
hahaha... well you know how girls are in the mall... (i'm an excemption to this..don't like shopping at all!) On our way to the 2nd mall I know this could have been a bad idea if i we're at any rate intoxicated because i know what its like floating amongst mobs and mobs of strangers walking endlessly to I don't know .. but i had no choice but to stick with her over getting lost in the mob of strangers.
1st hour she .. we got stuck in a bling bling shop.. 2nd hour we got stuck in national bookstore.
It was nice this time coz i was sober. What bugged me was i did not have the slightest urge to drink... not even to smoke a cigarette.
I told anne about this and she seemed to be happy...still a bit too iffy if i should agree.

why am i pondering on this.....
simple..
bcoz it's a sign that i
might have
forgotten
how
to
get
a
life....

well at least beyond work.

x_X

From Ina's rant...

2007-07-18T07:49:00.000+07:00

i havent started the jump thing but the challenge of getting into my pants is already starting... huhuhu.. i donts like the gym too..it seems like i have countered all practical ideas i brought to my conciousness...

1. jog in the morning ..... sleep is gold........
2. no rice.... dad's cooking is evul....
3. meds.... too expensive and it did not work the first time...
4. gym.... im too shy to battle it oout with the buff men and skinny women...
5. get yer mind into it... too lazy.

if u have anymore ideas.. lemme know might work with me....my sister starting to mock me as pugad ruthie. huhuhhu...

here's ina's ranting hehehe http://chisaii.multiply.com/journal/item/40?mark_read=chisaii:journal:40

Trash talk and what nots....(no pun intended)

2007-07-03T09:14:00.000+07:00

Sour pussies and reformed losers. Just read this blog, pathetic but utterly amusing.
This has taken a bad toll on how i am accountable to this mishap to some level, and I really feel obliged to save my sista. For now I decide not to make patol and make things worse for my sista and would rather focus on how i'm so thankful to the bunch of kids i hang out with.

My usual group of friends has 2 additional gents to emulate the lunacy that we already are. And for the few times that we sat around a table, a debate happens to materialize.

Usapang Laseng
sober: choose to be a mere observer, coz watching the tipsy and dead drunk arguing is already enough to blow u off yer seat. watch TV on dead air.
tipsy: nostalgic dude. feeding the desire of the dead drunk, creates a very condusive environment for the dead drunk to live up to the "almighty" persona who came about after the 5th glass of vodka 7.
dead drunk: "almighty". Thoughts swing in and out of contradiction struggling to project the wit from overly subjective and IMPULSIVE arguments.
arbitrator: cum video-taker. no comment or cheers on any bench. plays a significant part of documenting the foolishness brought about by extreme stress and alcohol.

*descriptions are based on the consistent characters of the respective persona played from the "few times" we have gone out together. Disclaimer: the following characters interchange on whoever gets drunk worse/more or who chooses to stick to the fizzy juice and pulutan.
By theory: person who has highest stress level = no. of drinks / alcohol level, with variant of innate factors (e.g. convictions/principles no matter how twisted they are) >>> most likely plays dead drunk or tipsy

Thank God for Fridays.
Cheers!

HIp hop hoooray!!

2007-06-29T17:41:00.000+07:00

Hello hello
been awhile isnt?!

lovely evening to one and all, it's Friday and i have equal amounts of phru pru rants and raves for the past few weeks that i allienated any form of introspective exercises.

Rolling with the punches...
bordering insanity from the arbitrary routine of my daily activities.
never felt tightly bound to a leash with a ball and chain for angklet ...
work work work.. i havta work when im exhausted and worse BORED!!!

need to put my game face on... tirn things around...otherwise... i'll be stuck in this and move forward as a zombie.

i'm waiting for the friday caravan.. hahaha we goin to balay. ^_^

write more tRUTHful things when i get back... i'm still pretty jaded at the moment.

i love you love me love you and you and you and me again!

xoxoxoxXOXoXo,

roOtz

tic toc tic toc..

2007-06-20T07:59:00.000+07:00

i have a mnute left to start being a zombie again..

minute's up!

errrr..... i miss blogging.

bangkay .

2007-05-29T15:14:00.000+07:00

Napatulala dala ng bumubulong na tula.
Pilit tumakas mula sa lumalakas na bigkas.
Hiyaw ng pag-ibig na pumanaw.
Hinagpis na pinilit matiis,
Pagkahinayang, naghanap ng lunas
sa hangin malamig kung humampas.
Namulat sa bawat pitik ng kidlat.
Sumusulyap sa gitna ng madilim na mga ulap.
Parusa sa isipang gustong magpahinga.
Piringan man ang mata muka mo'y nakapintura.
Kislap ng kidlat.. ako'y kukurap.
Sindak sa bawat pag gulong ng kulog.
Ininiintay ang pagbuhos ng ulan
ng agos ng luha ay maismulan.
Sa malamig na hamog akoy nababalot,
manhid sa lason ng puot.
Sakit ng pananabik
sa pagtila ng ulan manunumbalik.
Diwa ay lunod, sa hukay nakaluhod.
Panalangin na maunahan umiglip
bago ang araw magsumilip.

rutzie 5.29.07

my second composition in Filipino after mandarambong. one word.... NOSEBLEED!

brown frown

2007-05-25T17:45:00.000+07:00

been moping how i need to trim down... i'm guessing i am 20% bigger than i was back october06.

now now... few weeks back i was starting to get positive and hyped that this needs just few minutes jogging and i dunno dancing...

but then... brown cloud came-a-hovering... taking away all hope.. now i end up binging like a hamster in protien bars.. going downhill really far from my goal... i need a miracle or a stronger drive to get my act together... (suggestions please...REALISTIC and INTERESTING ones please)

Taking in consideration how boring, for a lack of a better adjective, my life turned from February to date made the perfect environment for me to be this way.

get lost.dream on.

2007-05-23T15:39:00.000+07:00

Segway: This is another rengga i did with my bessie ina. If i recall it correctly we we're so slumped by hoplessness generally brought by hmmm.... the thing they call love. If you want to join the rengga.... leave yer lines as a comment. Cheers!

i wish to get lost in my dreams. Where everything is true even if its not what it seems.

where everything is eternally happy and less shitty than the reality I have when awake.

I chase stars and leave them dead stealing their twinkle for my desires. The greed and dependence left me looking up to the skies.

I pity the skies now for they are all clear and dark. The way my heart was and still is even if I have captured all the star's light.

So i close my eyes to keep the last of the light in. until i drift away to my dreams where i pretend you're here my sorry happy thoughts that keeps me sane.

Where in my dream where I can find the you who can keep me happy, sane and loved. Where I can find the other you, a fragment of my demented mind.

Let me never wake, as my dreams are my only escape. Where it's dark and cold but I have your promises to hold where as when I awake deluded by the fancy light, a mockery to what could have been us.

Let me never leave this dark cold dream where I can feel your warm touch and see your promises become a reality. Let me never wake for I don't want to see harsh reality that my hands are cold and empty . To realize that all you've given me are empty promises.

RuthieIna
08 Mar 2007

How are you today?

2007-05-08T08:44:00.000+07:00

For some reason it's like waiting for your death.

I am sooooo naive when it comes to adventure... which is pathetic because for the longest time i thought i had a dare-devil in me. I am all boring all of a sudden. Yey!

Let me regroup on that identity...

I'd ingest poison..

I'd smoke anything..

I'll NEVER pop... sorry dare me even.. i wont!

I'll drink anything...

I don't and will never sing with other people in teh same room.

I can dance.. in the dark.. with lights lights tigsk tigsk tigsk..

I can climb a mountain... wall.. stairs...

...Slide down any of them too.

I can go up to someone (only when intoxicated or in a place where i know i'll not revisit within the same).

I can lie.. i lie a lot to save my ass and people's ass..

I can stare death straight in the eye (back when i did not have andrea)..well figuratively speaking... i had faith and was so open to dying whenever.

To do list:

Taunt vicious creatures (e.g. fuzzy weeetel wabbitz and hamstersssssss) then kill em if they become too weird.

Bungeee jump. Dive.

Live with strangers.

Quit my job.

kill bad evil people (e.i. parents of street children, greedy evil politicians, motorbike people and ruthless pedestrians, brown cops)

Commission homosexuals to rape dead beat men who discriminate women.

legalize it.

turn money into the most useless thing on earth.

pay debts by good will to others.

Right now. Thought of travelling ain't really as exciting. Primarily because I don't want to be away from Andrea and hmm... just that.

Things change. Catch you next week.

Escape to a dream. Can't wait to fly.

pislabenrakenrol

2007-05-03T08:20:00.000+07:00

its what we gots......

The Bottom Line
Have faith that the worst is behind you, because it is. The future is very bright.

In Detail
Being forgetful can sometimes be a blessing -- remember that the next time you're in a rush and you can't find your house keys or sunglasses. The same brain that makes you forget where you put something also lets you forget about hurtful episodes from your life -- eventually. The pain or sorrow you've felt recently is fading slowly, but it's fading surely. Have faith that the worst is behind you, because it is. Keep moving forward, and leave the past behind.

hahaha beats bein a fish brain... this forcast is so emo.. killed the whole idea of being joyfully forgetful. seeesh!

VerBully

2007-04-20T08:34:00.000+07:00

4<20>07
The Bottom Line
Your quick reasoning is quicker than ever! Enjoy beating everyone to the punch.

In Detail
You are feeling quite self-sufficient today, in part because your quick reasoning is quicker than ever! This is the start of a very independent period for you, and you're going to become even more comfortable in your own skin. Dinner alone can now be an entertaining exercise in people watching. Going to a movie by yourself will enable you to fully submerge in the action on screen. And taking yourself on a weekend getaway can become a wonderful self-affirming journey.

4<25>07

The Bottom Line
There's a fight brewing, and this time you won't be rooting for the underdog.
In Detail
There's a big fight brewing today, but luckily you won't be involved directly. Instead, you'll have a prime seat on the sidelines, where you can see all the action firsthand. Usually you're all about rooting for the underdog, but in this case the underdog might not be on the right side of the issue. The many false promises this person has made are starting to catch up to him or her.

><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

I have been judged fairly by people who know me well. I have pretty much opened my life to anyone who would ask or anyone who would be stuck with me in a momentary rant.
Kuya paww would attest to this claim. He clobbers me to death and I throw in a pretty good argument, I stop when I coerce him into my thinking or I turn blue from stranglation.

end of today. (4/25)

Not a fight broke out.... *boring*
Fretting over few things:
1. I'm broke... huhuhu...
2. I have this candidate I have to use.
3. too many backlogs.... i need a miracle...or a slower hour glass for everyone so i can have everything organized.

hay hay all irrelevant. Pardon me blurbbing.

AD to the IK

2007-04-18T17:12:00.000+07:00

The Bottom Line
It's time to get more analytical about your emotional life. Examine past patterns.

In Detail
It's time to get more analytical about your emotional life. Examine your past patterns -- some people you've banished from your life share certain traits, and today you'll be in a good frame of mind to see these traits and understand their importance for the first time. Your own life is worthy of study -- your habits, your likes and dislikes, your goals -- all of these elements combine to create the person you are. Understanding them better will help you become the person you want to be.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I had a good day.

I'll do this again.

2007-04-17T12:13:00.000+07:00

The Bottom Line
A damaged relationship is nearly reborn. You two are more compatible than ever.

In Detail
A damaged relationship is on the road to repair today, and the two of you are becoming more compatible than you ever were before! This is definitely a reason to celebrate, but try not to get too enthusiastic too quickly -- doing so could be dangerous. There are two people involved in this situation, and you both need to stay on the same timetable. Slow and steady wins the race, and it ensures that a stronger relationship will develop.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

*bugtong hininga*

Sana sya...
ok lng nman kait siya..pero pagod na ko e.
e pano kung si ano?? WHOA!!!!
hahaha *kamot ulo* exciting yun...
i'll stick to my first option! *isteeeekingtudapersopshun*

jan lang...

2007-04-17T11:46:00.000+07:00

I just got back from the DFA. Four gruelling waiting hours...

Agoraphobia
..i have that... not necessarily fear but i cannot stay calm in places with enough people in a room that they eat up my 3-feet of personal space.
So i waited...and waited...he (the fixer from the agency) vanished..i transferred seats...and he reappeared...and then i waited..he marched across the room twice (back and forth)..transferred again...and waited...now im in the 1st row where the rest of the fixers are seated...then he tells me i'm gonna get you stay there, he said he's just going somewhere...(i did not dare ask assuminig that I am expecting this to be done in a few)..another fixer asked where he's off to... he said JAN lang....the 4 lines behind me thinned down to just 1 row becuase they got caught by the goverment agency's lunch hour (10:45am)....and i waited for half hour more........and he reappeared and got things done.

Only to find out........................

He had to run back to MAKATI to pick up essential forms for the process.

How and When did "JAN LANG..." become a viable excuse to buy time?

Being my non confrontational self.......... I even thanked him for being sooooooooo diligent!

I AM NEVER GONNA DO THAT AGAIN!!!!

this and that

2007-04-11T17:32:00.001+07:00

Been awhile.
I miss blogging.
I miss writing.
Burning out i tell ya...

Few things:
1. Work is getting off hand... when i was starting to gain focus in profiling..influx of requirements comes crashin my way that i completely loose the focus. It's like going to the mall with the objective of taking home a green pencil when you ask the store lady she gives you all hues of green and you get frigginly confused ...that I spend most of my time ORGANIZING so i could remember what i was doing and pick up where i left off. My hit rate is down to 60%... Q2... oh no!

2. A couple of my barkadas flew in for vacation... IRA from high school and STELLA from college. In as much as we have tons of catching up to do it's pretty inevitable to go back to how we use to be. Boisterous, non-sensical, rowdy bunch of femmes. I can't help....actually i assume no effort in restraining the "What if im single..." ideas that i have when i'm with them.

3. thoughts of beb haunting... i woke up the other night from the moonlight...
wala lang.

to be continued...

Confused

2007-03-21T14:53:00.000+07:00

I Do Not Love You Except Because I Love You

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and measure of my changing love for you
Is that i do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

Is this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.

++Pablo Neruda

wonderfuckinful.

Hu U?

2007-03-14T14:46:00.000+07:00

Goodbye
Lyfe Jennings [The Phoenix]

[1]
Sometimes makin love is easier than breakin up
We believe if we just fake it enough
We can trick our selves into believin that we're still in love
But in our hearts we know that it's inevitable
Though it's hard to let you go I know I must
[2]
Sometimes memories just ain't enoughS
ometimes you out grow the ones you love
Sometimes it's none of the above
It's just the fact that people change
No one's to blame
There ain't nothin that stays the same
So we sit around and cry
Because neither one of us wants to be the first to say
Goodbye
[3]
Sometimes givin 2nd chances is easier than dealing with the fact that
Once the trust is gone you could never get it back
But your holdin on because your afraid of bein alone
So here you are holdin on to somethin thats already gone
And don't act like it's the first time you've heard it in this song
Cause your heart done told you all along
If your momma done showed you right from wrong
No thing should hold you down this long
There's no one to blame nothin stays the same
So we sit around and cry because neither one of us
wants to be the first to say goodbye
So let me be the first to say...
GOODBYE!

If this doesn't drive him away....
(thanks alecz for the patok na joke)

when you get into a SMS argument that would make you want to diss him...
and your thinking of the last message that you want to send that would make him shut up and not bug you ever again....text...

Hu U?

hahahahahaha! he would not dare throw you another one.

the idea is..

2007-03-01T08:43:00.000+07:00

If you forget me
by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know one thing.
You know how this is:
if I look at the crystal moon,
at the red branch of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch near the fire the impalpable ash
Well, now, if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.
If suddenly you forget me do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

store in cool...bright places

2007-02-15T17:21:00.000+07:00

i miss the icebox.
frozen.
numb.

A mere observer of the world and life as I stay passive by will.
Not so long ago, i got thawed to feel bliss(not love..) and as cursed.. pain.

I guess can say i'm sane, because I always had this mechanism to wallow, get paranoid, be elusive and go on. This works for me, and never failed me so i can go about the overt aspects of my life.

Everytime it does though, I pose the age old question. When will I be kept, warm and useful to the world as to another person?

The reason why i opted to be a single-mom is that, I know my child would not have so much of a choice but to depend on me, trust/rely on me to get through with her life. This is my only consulation. From the time i decided on this, I beleived the only person I could get the satisfaction of being significant would be from my own flesh and blood.

I once believed otherwise, when I took the risk of getting married. Not that the belief was well backed up with not more than pure insecurity and array of uncertainties. In short i had to still prove the belief to make it all happen. And it was not so much after all. which brings me back to square one.

I have Andrea, yet like the concept of soul mates and what have you... YOU will continue search for that person who will deem you to be his significant other. meaning, someone who you would sincerely devote your life to. Because, you know, feel and believe your significance is as essential as having to go through his life WITH you..vis-a-vis.

Today, I got booted back to square one. I'll try not to hop on the same squares to get me to the finish line.. because i'll definitely go in circles.. rather i would look and study myself again and hunt for the one who would decide to keep me, not for convinience sake, not for pity.. but because he believes that i am significant and his significance would be insignificant without me.

*scampers back to the icebox...*

so the boat that once carried hopes and chest full of happy thoughts.. sinks..sank into the dark, lonely, impossible abyss. there it shall be kept unmoved by my life's currents, waves of my memories shall only bury it deeper in the sand at the bottom of where all the skeletons of the fishes who dared to swim to the surface for air but died on their pursuit to conquer the sea of my significance.

If everything fails... read the instructions. (you breathe through your system... air HUMAN air..is lethal to you boy fishes)

u Had to say it...

2007-02-14T09:03:00.000+07:00

can't everyone just hold it in??

all the sickening exchange of affection!! I can bet that 90% is exagerated and is done in vain just so they get to nail someone by the end of the day!

How i managed to get sicker by the hour:

10:30- bagged the 1st prize given for the 1st office wide game ..twas cherry cheesecake (gave it to wene for his vday treat to the gf.)
10:45- won the 2nd prize for the 2nd game. box of chocolates (ended up in the potty as i have consumed almost half a liter of brandy for lunch)
4:30- won the 3rd prize.. mini choco cupcakes. MADE ME SICKER!
5:00- my head startin to throb. coffee.cupcake.brandy.late candidate.
5:30- my husband's taking me out. PAK! i wanna go home. sleep!

tic toc tic toc....

*i need to hurl*

more fairy dusts..^_^

2007-02-09T16:18:00.000+07:00

'nuffeeeezenuff!!

Bessie is in a significantly good mood today, so is mah sistahs anne and gi.

I am too..

Well, my head is backlogged when i board into my decisions of the MiND.
I oblitirated all of the physical memories that I have of him. Yay!!

let it not come a day when i go regret on what i just did, coz that would have me back in square one. seeesh! (instance may be, he had this idea not to have his presence felt so it would not be hard for me to move on---lassie trick...that move is patented by ME!and no one.. especially not him will ever dare to take sweet credit to this move!)

'twas kinda neat actually, instantaneously i cleared folders.. did not even attempt to peak.
and was easy..no butterflies in the tummy, no warm weeeziness when i breathed deep.

*applauds self*

which means, i'm gonna go on with this significantly less complicated than the former heartaches. ayun.. heartaches!

On curses:
Boo and i had a chat, basically a continuation of the rant i got frm him through SMS last night.
Seems like we blessed with the same brilliant curse.

We loose the people we decide to love sincerely and genuinely dig.

I had this even before I met the boo, and him I reckon when the "proposal" to his one true love was wrecked by the break up. hahaha! ooops..i know not a laughing matter.

Why this happens... Beats me!

What it made me.. and i think Boo would also agree: I approached each potential connection with uber casualness, and when I get that spark.. I pull back--push him away. If the other party manages to find his way back... then it could be worth a shot...

But it always end up the same.

They go away.

From the loss that I had when I met the boo, i'm pretty lucky I made an out-of-the-box decision on how I looked at my realtionship with the boo.
If they don't quite make it through the psychoness of being pushed away, and they're not bad at all... I keep em and make em to mah dawgs (e.g. the boo).
Confidants, brothas... people you know would be worth keeping and you would not risk them for a relationship, may it be a meantimer or a lifetimer. Silly point is time may be eternal but life by fact.. ends, and the only thing you can bank on is the people you choose to stand by you when your bitch-of-a-life fucks up. Commonly known as TRUE FRIENDS.
These are people who would say thing bluntly good or bad timing because they know you NEED to be told off.
People who, no matter how blissful they are, would sincerely relate to how deep the shit you are in.
People who would love you for who you are and decided on their own to stick with you.

I have several in my list and would like to dedicate this post to them.

Nohea Chicas: monotonous. If i'd be a guy i'd go marry them all!
My college bitchuz: showed and ushered me to my womanhood.
my sistaaahz: held..holding my hand and head haha through this hell im going through.
bessie: we are in all dimensions soooo connected. if i get lost, i know uL find me..vis-a-vis.
the boo: juz one dirty dawg! u be safe. fuck love.fuck fate!26.. uR mine! hehe

Thankies. God is with me through you guys. One love!

*oooh fairy dusts.. happy thoughts*

Dice or no dice at all...

2007-02-06T15:24:00.000+07:00

Adversaries come my way in abominable forms.

For Feb.07 the stars read as such:

The Bottom Line
The truth is the best solution. (Don't lead someone on just to feed your ego.)

In Detail
Just because you have one deep and meaningful conversation with someone doesn't mean that a romance is in the works -- of course, you know this, but the other person doesn't. So if this guy or gal heaps some unwanted attention on you today, try to change the subject. Make it clear that you are not available -- either because you're already taken or because you're just not interested. The truth is the best solution. (Don't lead someone on just to feed your ego.)

*kcuf*YOU*kcuf*YOU*kcuf*YOU*kcuf*YOU*kcuf*YOU*

Most often than not, they come in nicely wrapped ideas that tickles my fancy and gets me hooked before i could even untie the friggin' ribbon!

"my imagination runs faster than my 2 feet can take me" -gi malavega (friend borrow ha.)

If the whole world conspires for me to think the way i do, teh Gods must be damned to even allow me to open my eyes, and relate.

I make you a deal, since recent event shows that I'm totally uncapable of even distinguishing trouble from ultimate disaster, why don't you leave it to the dark side to deceive me with unyeilding signs.

If you decide to drop me another package, give me a chance to mess things up before i get vaccumed into the same blackhole. Not that i question your intentions, and i firmly believe that i should know better to even mess with your plans. You created all goodness... and gave evil an equal hefty piece of the pie... so this is me.. asking permission to fuck people up before they do me.

Played with fire . . because i was cold. Never wanted to get burned.

i'll find you OUT!

2007-02-05T08:23:00.000+07:00

The Bottom Line
The battle between your impatient side and your pragmatic side rages on today.

In Detail
Your heart wants one thing in your life right this very minute, but your head knows that it might not happen for a while. The battle between your impatient side and your pragmatic side will rage on today, with little (if any) resolution. This tension could cause you to lash out at people who try to push your buttons. It may serve them right, but if you add to the animosity, you aren't really doing yourself any favors.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

This might do the trick.
I have this need to shut everybody up. and get the RIGHT people talking.

because.. i have not heard what i wanna hear. Prolly whispers and mumblings..but i want it louder than my conscience... (not that it's pinching a nerve).

Paranoia creeps through my veins, sending my imagination in haywire..
It's nice when people put you in a comfy seat, but it gets all messed up when you find out its a mere act to manipulate your being.
Just like religion (i suppose..) they come up with these dogmas.. Dictates of authority to complitated questions of.. hmmm... society. So people would have one point of belief, believe and you'd be untouchable... doubt you're good as chopped liver.
You have this gut feel that everything's bullshit... ur comfort level hanging by a thread, but still that little helps you get by.
Good if you find it out before you get sucked into oblivious blackhole of false hopes and lies... Disasterous if you already started to shift your mind into the path it's leading you to.

If you're trying to do me a favor by brainwashing me.... save it!
I'm messed up as it is, I need a friend not someone who'll fuck me up even more.
I have already a list of people i want to get even with, and you would not want to have your name listed.

You hope to make me believe in soooo many things i have already forgotten/ignored.
If my intuition is beeping the right beep, you will cause soooooo much turmoil that would only push me to perpetual hopelessness.

You said so many things that I choose to hold on to because:
1. nice to hear. remember. believe.
2. i like you.
3. it ended the feeling that i'm in this alone.

If again my hunches are proved to be accurate, iD go on with my bitter life, cursing future opportunities and burn bridges proved to be sincere or not.. i could not care less... the pain it will bring would be too much to even get myself to pay attention to their ideas.

You brought me to hope, keep my faith and worship love again. If there would be EVEN THE SMALLEST lie into all the things you said to me, Good Lord I'll not stop at anything in ruining your life! Fuck Hope..Fuck Faith...Fuck the most Love!

bottomline, we were suppose to fuck fate... but i am pretty sure Fate is destined.. to fuck me out of my sanity.

*to the beb.*

If you are proved sincere... we'll continue fuckin' fate.

Happy thoughts.

2007-01-31T17:22:00.000+07:00

If even the day should go by when i don't say i like you, may never a moment go by without you knowing that i do! gNyt! 09.13.2006 10PMish

We had many hellos, goodnights and kamustas....

sweet. flattering. most of the time i shrug it off like those i get from the other more friendly fellas.

Shall we fuck fate beb? Coincedental as it may seem, its strating to give me the creeps.. wallowing that we had so little time to see if it's real, you're there.. i'm here.

Life's a bitch! First you're stuck with undesired options .. you jump on making the RIGHT(moral and practical) decisions .. irreversable as it may seem,, there's too many signs that what you thought was right is now insignificant but actually vexating.

Is this happening to challenge my integrity to stick to what i thought was right?
Or is this spontaneous fate prompting me to ACT before it's too late for me to take on my life's purpose?

Who could tell?? ( the oooh so magical 8-ball)

Aside from the misery this is causing me right now, I'm scared of the uncertainty. Who wouldn't be?
Curiousity killed the cat. But what the hell.. we live to discover, and discover to live.

I'm running out of fairy dusts.. and loosing altitude. Please come back and let's just fly away to never never land.

Purple Sins Season 2

2007-01-19T12:58:00.000+07:00

Back to addiction numero Dos!

Hombres!

This happening 2 years in a row, just gives me all the more reason to believe that i was some sort of witch in my past life. A hedonist witch!

Good life, Good times.. That's why!

I think tis both a blessing and a curse to have pandra's box for a brain. You see, i'm addicted to plain getting away with things.

SCRAAAAAAAAAAAATCH THAT!!

I tell you of the real deal why i get myself into this things.
I'm unhappy.
Someone promised to take care of me and give me the life that i dreamt of.
It has been almost 3 years and he has barely shown any signs of taking care of me and i'm waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay far from my dream to the point that i have decided to forget about them.

My Mistake:
I got stupid.
I wanted to save my face.
I believed so much in his crap that I didn't follow my instincts.
Worst: I compromised.. have been compromising myself.

Would you consider it selfish for me to think of myself this time?
Would it be too late.. or just plain wrong for me to make things right?
Would my world still have me if I give up on life's challenges, just this once?
Is it all BS if i would consider my child to grow up with a young mother (really scared..but NOT STUPID anymore) than in a home filled with spite and frustrations?

Here's what YOU can do..

if you're a friend you'd be more appreciative.
if you're a confidant you'd trust me to make the right decisions and suffer the wrong ones we make TOGETHER!
if you're a husband you'd show me more respect and enough proof that i can entrust MY LIFE.. and my child to you.
if you're the man you say you are... WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ACTING LIKE A FUCKING RETARD?

Not to put evrything into equation... but i want you to know i have given up my life.. what i dreamt of... so pleaaaaaaaase... stop making me regret every single day of my miserable life.... if you can't grant me that simple favor.. you can always get your own life. Please.

IN

2007-01-15T16:28:00.000+07:00

Hi, I'm Ruthie reporting for duty.

Later i'll intorduce you to some of my new found personalities who i managed to develop over the past 3 weeks. They have kept me company and sane.

Been helluva 3 week almost 24/7 operation for me. And it ended pretty good, the thing with these clients, once you have completed this seasons requirements.... they'll would go boomeranging before you know it. Ties are made and you just havta do ya thang!!

Started even before chirstmas, since season would give me very good excuse not to delive as much as i should.. i took advantage of it. Come january when we are less than 10 days from ramp up.... i pretty much accomplished the list below:

1. stood up and took ownership in leading a group.
2. went against my plans and end up doing most of the tasks solo.. my way.
3. insist and made sure that my team mates are not stressed even if i know my platelette count is down to 20 per drop.
4. argued and have had never ending arguments with my self.
5. learned that indians are ..... not so indians at all!
6. stay up late and work until i just get enough sleep to get me by the ride goin to the office.
7. ate lots of candied fruits from the fruitcake.. YUCK!
8. this and mostly that!

What else???

I dunno... i guess i could not have a better way to start 2007...
from my last blog i have announced the consumption fo the squares... i went on for 3 weeks, working diligently without any help from my guardian demons... WHOA!! It is for the same reason that my mind actually compensated just as well as to developing characters.

Meet the ladies...

Eve: She came out on the eve of New year. Havinig realized that January 2 i havta go back to the office and have people ready. She stayed calm, she didn't even cram. She made few phone calls... mostly chit chat... and went right ahead printing a 200 named call list, started calling each name by 9pm (time i get home). She practically stayed up until she gets ample number of names scheduled for the week. She feasts on chocolates @ 3am, and wakes up hopeful enough that would show up as scheduled (BUT THEY NEVER DID). That's when Noelle comes out.

Noelle: The tick tick BOOMer. patience is short lived, quite similar to Eve but her attention span is shorter. I'm guessing she's the outcome of the repressed anxiety held back by Eve's being so laid back. She jumps from one task to another, barely finishing half of a certain task. Her memory thou is awsome compare to the Ruthie. She picks up exactly where she left off. If we go back to the list above, her favorite accomplishment would be number 3. She has this obsession for reverse psychologizing people around her to prompt them to keep on moving. But she can't hold it up that long ... she moves on or back to another task.

Few interesting points towards the end of the 3 weeks, most especially when i found time to squeeze in night outs with my sisters already. We planned, unplanned, planned for the pyrolympics...then ended staying in a hotel with family.
and some unwanted sooo tempting attention from people. ^_^ oink oink!
and a day when all i did was sleep!

i hope ball keeops on rolling for me this way... really... i need to make things happen.. and i wish everyone the best of 2007!!

EurekaS!

2006-12-18T17:55:00.000+07:00

ahA . . . it's alive!!!

06 January 2007
and it has already been consumed by famished dope heads.

alas!

Pyrolympics smokeee fest ... hmmm...

I'm in the office on a saturday... how worse can things be for me.
And I just learned it's the year of the fire pig,.... i happen to fall into the water pig category...
i assume this would be more of a good thing for me, because water is whole lot more useful and powerful than fire. hahahaha!
the thing is...
i don't like power at all.

cia cia.. i havta go.

oooh mustard!!

2006-12-13T11:36:00.000+07:00

i'm back u quackin mustards!!

End of my 2nd dreadful day @ work. feet hurts, cant feel my tummy.. hunger passed twice and i have no choice but to ignore it. *ayyy im gutom!*

i have not been blogging lately because:
1. i don't feel like farting
2. too busy to fart
3. i'm pretending to fart to look like i'm busy.

if i had the chance to blog.. its all rants and/or just non-sense.

... to be continued

falling on mah ass..

2006-11-29T18:04:00.000+07:00

hay.. can't believe this work week..

i fell on my ass yesterday(tuesday)... tripped 3 steps down .. stupid stairs!! i tell you it happens to be in my top 10 hated things in the world. the pain started only this morning, i didn't put too much thought yesterday when i saw my shoe heel flying ahead of me. I just got those shoes.. my hubby just got those for me... buMmEr!! now i havta wear the already foresaken pairs...aaaahhhhg the misery!
I went around QC with Wene the slut for half a day, we screened around 50 trainees from the TESDA free thing. 1st batch was horrible.. i don't want to illustrate how much our country should take this matter seriously,, giving out free trainings is a good start, i wish they look into integrating more efficient programs in the educational system.
I had dinner with the boys, pigged out. i had myself grilled veggie penne, nachos, a couple of cocktails and fuckn choco parafait!! VERRRY BADDDD! i stuffed my face bloated as i watched the boys become more and more opinionated by every bottle they chug down.

i'm not too hyped for tomorrow even if i was harassed today by a client who's too weird to even explain properly what he needs!

>>already tomorrow. SEE i'm so psychic when it comes to mess ups... fuckn client didn't show up. i was expecting the other way around, my people texting or calling in sick or whachubeber family emergencies and i end up with ZERO SHOWS! i want to blow the whole building up! fock!!<<

work work.. wish i had a life other than work!

swingin'

2006-11-22T14:18:00.000+07:00

twas my hubby's 28th burstday yesterday and we celebrated in advance putting his and my daughter's party on one packed saturday evening.
i got up fairly early from a late night-early morning gimik with mah sistahs and tot, we went to the grocery, as in the whole block with jojo the mongo..my loving yaya net and mag bounzin bebe girl... ang saya!!
so i started cooking at around 4:30 even texted my friends halfway not to be punctual since im running late on schedule. I had to go double time when my 1st pair of visitors came.. aiko and jamie to put sincere judgement on what i have for the night .. well so far so good even if they only got to have the double sauced meatball pasta. ^_^
triple timing already when the Turbulence boys paid us a surprise visit.. hehe.. ny that time i was laready finishing my last dish, then my sistahs with joods came with the sisig!!! wooohooweeee! then my cousins with mah sister and dad.. we started devouring my soul food at around 9.. hehehe...
here's the thing... i love cooking more so cooking for people i love. I can bitch em around most of the days but one of the voodoos that i do would come in the form of the treats i conjoured up for you.
I'm not malambing, i am showy when i want to get on someone's nerve or i know that this person is too easy to make bola so i could get him to do what i want. But when i decide to cook for you, that means you are special enough that iL risk ruining my nails for u, tolerating the smell of garlic on my fingers for days after, exploring new flavors and guessing if this is in sync with YOU!
Artists write songs, or dance to really cheesy love songs. Authors have em in novels, poetry or prose.... While Ruthie has it served steamin hot, delightful desserts or simply mixed to knock you out....second..third servings allowed.

my sistahs and I with joods had the usual treats, we tagged along chano with us as our special guest.... we went swingin..

u must love how it takes you back to the time where you ddnt give an F about anything, the time when scabs on your knees would mean you have a great social life, when sago't gulaman is waaaaaaaaay better than starbucks ...when you would wait till the cheese coats your fingers for a few centimeters before you delightfully like each of em clean... when the greatest problem that u had would be the homework that u left undone because u just cannot be out in the streets and not be playing patintero/chinese garter/cos and robbers with teh other kids from the block.

you see this is why some people choose not to grow up.

can i just not care about not being adult enough in living my OWN life?

lumpy...

2006-11-14T13:58:00.000+07:00

i have noticed that i am having too much of a feeble mind lately.
Like last night, having parted ways with mah sistahz after a mall stroll Ed was sooo hyped up to a rant by starvation! hahaha (extreme na ito e) so we end up bickering about me wanting to go back and eat dinner with the sistahz while we get lost somewhere in green meadows. (nice!)
and then just today, I have set an interview with one of my candidates for the nth time when i decide to call in a raincheck.

im too lazy.

I have refreshed my shallowness...one of my avid texter has been sending me hardcore nonsense... and i wish he send more! i'm too shallow, that i had this blog on draft for over 4 days now and i can't bring myself to put it together like i use to.
Usually, when i save postings on draft i would get back to it because iL get a lightbuld idea and i repeat it to myself until i jot it down until i have a good sound one.

i'M burning.

iL end this blog with a favor to ask from whoever takes interest in reading my non-sense. My friend's 5-month old daughter just died, please say a short prayer for Blesilda Starla Mane. (and the parents)

ciao!

pretend!!

2006-11-10T16:49:00.000+07:00

hahahaha...

i told the ice tray to pretend that i filled it with water as i put it back inside the freezer.

how come no one is daring enough to chug down half cup of dijoun musturd-mayo dip?

fidgetty friday fever!!

bye friends!

Ruthie 8/30/2004 wrote some more:

2006-11-09T07:36:00.000+07:00

Seven Thousand Six Hundred Sixty-One Sunshines

Seven Thousand Six Hundred Sixty-One Sunshines Friends and family.. readers who found the time to get a glimpse of th 7661st day of mah freakin' life... Aloha! I could not think of any descent title.. so i decided on the sunshines i admired, loathed, ignored and even missed for my entire life. and that is 7552 sunshines up to date.. the number seems small to me.. i was expecting somthing around a million... because it sure feels that i have spent more than several thounsand days..oh well...as much as i am frustrated.. i found this fact to be evidence of my young age (naks!!) ... nevertheless i can't deny the fact that i feel that i have spent more than these days if based from the challenges that i dealt with..and dealing with.. the trouble i got myself into and out of.. those i got away from.. i can't helped but be swallowed by awe by the mere fact that i'm still standing.. and asking for more.. (challenges more than trouble..good girl ako e.. ). My life has always been an open book to people who took the liberty of making me a part of theirs. Journalizing my daily life would not be any different from my ritual of boring them with my stories and also help me to be aware of the REAL number of sunshines came upon my life and the sunsets iL be ever thankful for, for the purple stars and orange gaze that soothes the exhaustion from the day's encounterSo to all of you.. thanks for watching my back and taking some of my shit.. special thanks to aiko and sarah for the BLOG influence... much love and i'm terribly missing u guys..

Ruthie 8/30/2004 wrote

2006-11-09T07:33:00.000+07:00

Barely grown up...

Realizing that you are actually an adult.. (naks!) is so far different from accepting it… graduation …earning a degree… serve as a mere benchmark but the rights of passage comes when you are faced with choices that may concern budgeting your monthly wage and actually compromising the gimmick money … which you usually save for … for the month’s rent. As of the moment this reality seems to be a really hostile dream that I have to wake up to… but then again… the only thing I have to do is really step inside the box and actually accept that I’m no floating entity that can solve life’s problem outside the box… I also have to be inside the box to truly understand and solve the problem. Several months ago, I was so delighted because I finally made up a definite career path that I would trod in few months time… I felt so matured… (bibbo ko!! Syeeeet!) with this clear path in mind… completing my requirements for graduation was like carrying a torch so proud, graceful and with all dignity trotting to that big ‘ol lamp that needed to be lit to start the whole ceremony… in my case starting a life of my own. Independence is only around the corner. Comes April… while I was carefree looking for a job, the One Almighty decided to trot with me in my path. He gave me a little extra to …let’s just say… make thing a bit more challenging. I learned that I was 8 weeks pregnant, and that whoozy early mornings was actually morning sickness. Fear, frustration, and hopelessness filled my fighter soul. I frantically psyched myself, I MUST keep myself together. (kaya todo text and press release ako… hahaha) Then again God worked mysteriously to lift those negative emotions and thoughts. Friends were shocked but yet very much excited. Their reactions made me sigh in relief, gave me instant booze that I will never go solo flight in this challenge. A split second after sighing, a began to panic once again. How the hell will I put into words my situation and confess to my dad. After all his sacrifices, his dedication to raise us up as adults single handedly. I know this was one that I can never get away with, so with all courage I texted my oldest brother. He bombarded me with questions, no doubt he was shocked but amidst the anxiety that filled the both of us, for the first time in our entire life I felt that he truly cared for me as a little sister. Of course I was not spared from the sermon but more than that I was so grateful that I was able to tell someone inside the family and much better I was not rejected. Phew! I was never the person who plans ahead…actually I hated being bothered by things that are yet to come.. pondering on such things was a waste of time… I live my life one day at a time… I am grateful for the past and try with all my might to free myself from regrets and grudges… it’s the present that matters. All these were changed when I recognized my situation... i saw myself living des'ree's song... I gotta be bold.. i gotta be bad.. i gotta be wiser.. i gotta be hard.. i gotta be tough.. i gotta be stronger.. still gotta be cool.. gotta be calm.. and very much gotta stay together... who knows... Love might reallly save the day.. Life's a bitch.. but it aint gonna bitch a bitch around.. keepin it real!

this is why i have to write.

2006-11-08T08:13:00.000+07:00

i
love
to

SLEEP

because

MY LiFE

has the
tendency
to

faLL aPart...
when
im
awake.

back in 2004 i started blogging (thanks to the influence of sarah and aiko). I could not access my older accounts so i stopped blogging until around november of last year when friendster had the blog thing feature.
I have always been fond of writing down my thoughts and sentiments, like a lot of people it's therapy for me. I just came to notice how I evolved from a free-spirited optimistic blogger to a balled-up bitch. I can only tell as far as how i dealt with the past 2 years of my life, there always been questions if i am the only one who got a tumble-down the dirt covered road, am i the only one who seems to be tired (but not really giving up) of the turns that our world has come to?

Just this very minute i realized WHY i write things down.

"There's No Bitchin a round a true blooded bitch" (there's no bitchin a true blue bitch around ---> rusty grammar) I have counted how manysunshines i missed and looked forward to at least witnessing more (if i happen to wake up that early) and still blissfully worshiping sunsets and moonlights....
For a time i have lost hope because i'm burned out. Work is getting to my head, that i have a blurry view of what i cna make out of my career since i have been trying to numb myself of my desires to do what i want to do. Another recollection, i control ME but HE controls my life.
Maybe.. just maybe when i get a breather ( a nice vacation... or a reward for dealing with the suckiest job--stull thankful im employed though) i can have me a sharper view of how I would make best of what and where i am now.

kapooootz

2006-11-07T17:06:00.000+07:00

when you thought you got the hang of it.....

it turns spoiled rotten.

How come others are doing what they wanna do?

Why am i stuck with a job i'm trying to live up to with false principles?

call center shmenter shit BULLCRAP!!!

*because im helping out people*

ruin their lives!!!

while i ruin mine!!

God save me.

i want to teach. i want to heal.

give me a chance.

on rage and annoyance

2006-11-06T16:08:00.000+07:00

sorry but i just cannot drop it.

he is messing up my cover and seems to have this unwavering habbit of ticking me off...

let's see if he would want to go on living another day if he pissess me off just one more time.

UR down to 6 asshole!! 1 more and and really iD make u live the life a dirtbag should be living!!!]

my virtual pets.

2006-11-06T12:14:00.000+07:00

Since i am not so much of a pet person, except for cats of course... iL keep them here. where they can be checked on by me and anyone who bothers. Plus saves me the pet food and cleaning after pet litters.. hahahaha!

all my v.pets can rotate their heads anyway they...you like. not too much though .. you'll make them sick.

my panda has jaundis. too much bamboo. popo is named after my sister portia's panda stuffy. they were born 5 years apart but they came from the same mumu. well panda's are nice. they shut up all the time. great buddies. u should get one!

here's my golden turle Thumb. He likes shallow water. He drinks his bacth water, that's where he gets all his powers! he loves eating garden leaves, saluyot and makahiya for breakfast and yellow gumamela for snacks. he skips dinner because when the moon is up he just sleeps. don't talk to him about having a boring day, he'll break your neck.

This is Smoke. My kitty cat, not much action goin on with her virtually but you'll find her to be as wicked as her master. Mokey .. i love smokey! moke moke mokeeeeeeeeeee!

burned out.

2006-11-02T15:51:00.000+07:00

Wasted moments.
stillness torments.

few thoughts, taunts you with success.
a baffled head, pushing me to egress.

Paralized, confused.
mind stuck in a muse.

thoughts in a perpetual loop.
head and soul preped for a coup.

being lost meaning
i'm giving up on dreaming.

frustration knocked out
hopes boxed out.

clock.
work.

if u have seen my tail... BURN IT!

2006-10-30T13:20:00.000+07:00

Found this amusing site of a cartoonist. it was enlisted as one of the matches when you type and search for BORED.

yes... stress vs. hopelessness and despair. was checking on some of the dearest people to me, check if i'm the only one having pangs of insignificance and hopelessness. Alas, i found 2 ladies who happened to sip from the same watering hole i'm fumbling in tight now.

(i just snapped my back bones.. and feels good.)

its an Eeyoreish (drawn from purple donkey character from Disney cartoon) feeling. Loosing a part of yourself. (tail in particular) the usual part that shooos away bugsy boredom and taunts of despair. also the part that signals "i like what i see" so i wag it until i get the thing that i saw.

For 2 particular functions, i feel sooooo empty and useless. I have lost the drive to do something about it, its like pinning myself to the ground. Choosing to stay face on the dirt because the path ahead means virtually nothing to my mission.

as for the tail.... i think i ought to grow me a pair of wings.

clock over my head.

2006-10-30T09:13:00.000+07:00

Murder she wrote, as she signed a slith across his throat.
When all lies led to the truth.
She was nothing to him but a pootch.
He stared at her, she regained power.
Fools beg for salvation.
She holds a dagger to her indignation.
A trade of love and respect,
won her a life he lost.

Born to the butterflies.
Living to the roll of a dice.
Doubling all ties.
A misstress of disguise.

Glorified by her sins.
tormenting foes by her means.
deceit long awauts her prince.
thrones in hell for her kins.

She'll bind you with a spell.
Kiss you dreams that'll bring you to hell.
She's sincerely kind to be cruel.
Your soul to the devil she'll sell.

Warning I send out.

Don't go easy on a lady,
that presents wit and vanity.
The bait will creep silently,
and suck your soul out of its sanity.

rhum sprinkles

2006-10-17T11:19:00.000+07:00

The Bottom Line

All signs are pointing to a fantastic new beginning for you and an old friend.

In Detail

All signs are pointing to a fantastic new beginning for you and a reunion with an old friend, but everything is going to happen very slowly. Adjust your expectations down a notch or two, and try not to let your enthusiasm overpower your rationalism. A big payoff is due today in a surprising area of your life, and it will serve as a good distraction. This reward is one you should share; use this opportunity to give back to the people who have given you so much over the years.

_________________________________________________________________

bliss.

that's something to look froward to. hehehe.

no fuckn use commenting on this kilig wirthy horoscope..

hahahaha.. like i still have the right for someone new.. or renewed?

so much stress... i have been binging uncontrollably... its too much worthless effort!

WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME HERE? coz i havta!

Lord grant me peace to be contented and be at my best of what im doing right now.

rhum sprinkles? what about? im just so bored! i need something to psike me off my life... im goin insane! if there's such a thing as chronic boredom syndrome,,,, i might have acquired it...

its contagious! watch out!

now playing: JV's total "landian" song.. hahaha sorry boy im diggin it.. im so poklesha!

i miss going out.. i miss having a life outside work....
upside is im spending a lot of time at home... lovin' the mommy work..

i want: dark fudgy chocolate brownies topped with chocolate ice creame topped with coffee-rhum-cinnamon drizzles.............................................................. NOW!

*this was suppose to be a blissful post...ruined by a monday and not too excited for tomorrow's non-working holiday..coz work hunts my dreams... life sucks coz of call center recruitment*

The Soul is OUT... leave her a MSg.

2006-10-13T07:50:00.000+07:00

The Bottom Line

An opportunity for upward mobility arrives on the scene. Don't wait to grab it.

In Detail

Today a new opportunity for upward mobility will arrive on the scene bright and early. Don't wait too long to address it -- the good fortune pendulum is swinging back your way, and it is bound to swing away again before you know it. Reach out and grab this chance, even if you don't feel completely prepared. This sunnier weather in your professional universe will put you on the pathway toward a bigger, blingier lifestyle full of complicated changes.

YiKes! i donT liKe thE souND oF thAt...

past few months everything stayed monotonous.. all contained in a sound-tight jar. Too steady to tinker with some changes. I'm apprehensive not from fear but more of laziness to deal with uncertainty. My mind is sooooo conditioned to do routines... it's killing me daily... but i'm use it.
I wake up, rant that i will be up to no good and work will definitley suck today since im too pressured and jaded how to meet my quota by the end of the month.

I'm stuck in a team who seems to have gotten a kick of how to do things. They are driven by competition and numbers, me on the other hand... just wants to help as many people as i could and be paid regularly.

The industry.. well doesn't differ that much at our end of the game... that i'm in is toooooooo fucked up. You are your resume. I have been interviewing people and endorsing them. I did my end of the job ensured that at least they meet all qualfications...... but they get turned dow for the outrageous pressumptions that just kills your spirit.

i am running on auto-pilot... im doing this because i have to. i use to like it.... but i cannot go on with this for another year.

changes smaaaaynges.. fuck u ol!

lumpy..then flaky..then lugaw!

2006-10-11T15:06:00.000+07:00

ok still in a crisis. it seems that someone nabbed my mojos.. i cnt seem to write. here take a look.. see for yerself...

Cant write.
fresh out of spite.
smothered in a silent thought.
words not caught.
close my eyes.
blank.
stuck with a stoic smile.
world in a null.
awake its too ordinary..
that dreams turned dull.
finally a rhyme,,
seemingly but dat was a crappy line.
too steady..
miss gettin' heady
tipsy
crafty
sultry
i need something..
juz too jaded to put a finga on it.

Nyt terrific.
..im up to sumthn demonic.
a tickle.
a taunt.
a tease.
......uL do watever i please. . .
u sense,
u stare,
u glare.
uL have more than wat u can bear...
it twinkles,
it haunts,
it creeps.
sweet poison on you lips.
ur tensed,
u dared.
a scare.
kissed you a nightmare.

that's all folks!

next door next to the exit...

2006-10-06T22:51:00.000+07:00

weeee how decent would this post be?

weeeeeeeee
no?
no weeee????

hahahaha! im here hotttttahrooming Gi's hotttahcubeeeworkPlace....

stars weeeeeeeeeeee e heeeeeeeee he he

for the sistahs convene with taaaaaaaaaah joOds and mah hubby...
wow been awhile sistahs... good we have 1023 to keep it simple for us....
going back to the roots... where it all started.

its like a hug... a warm sophocating snug...

thanks!! this is our Oktoberfest.... hooowoooweeeeeeee thanks thanks!!

we did not get to talk much.. but ishokeeeee!

we do this more often from now...

simple and warm huggy clobber!!!!

*cheers*

_______________________________________

i read this again... and it made no sense at all.
hmmm.... yes i want exit now.
i want to sleep of challenges coz i have no resources to actually take them on,
but i'm keepin my faith since that's all i have.

just dawned to me that i am not as flexible to change as i was.
and the only wish that;s being fulfilled would be the wish to go back to my faith.
well i have come to believe that i'll be ok with juz this.

sana.

uh HUh FuN!

2006-10-05T17:00:00.000+07:00

The Bottom Line

Have more fun with life! Every day can be as enjoyable as you make it.

In Detail

Right now, it's perfectly okay to take a less-than-serious attitude about some of your responsibilities -- give yourself permission to have more fun with things! If you need to run errands today, find out if someone else can come along for the ride. Their company will make things feel more social, and the idle conversation will help you step outside of your personal worries and remember that every day can be as enjoyable as you want to make it.

here's a line.. "i put the FUN.. in FUNtastic!!" bwahahahahahahaha!

this was my horoscope yesterday, where i was swamped with tons of work coz i was rushing agent requirments and helping out the whole team with their own requirments... hahahahaha!

did i accomplish anything????

YES but not so much as i wanted to. . . thanks to BUZZIMPS who constantly took my attention because of the orange blinky blinkers in my taskbar. (i can't ignore orange.... it's orange!!)

so fart that huh!! well i guess its still tolerable so long as i swamp myself with tasks where i feel i'm learning things.

so there another useless..bitin blog... coz i havta go. (cant believe im allowing myself to be this busy... hay...)

*do-yer-ears-hang-low-do-they-dangle-thru&frow-can-u-tie-them-in-a-knot-will-u-tie-them-in-a-bow-can-u-hang-em-in-yer-shoulders-like-a-continental-soldier-doooo-yer-ears-haaaaaaaang-low!!!*

Bring me to Oz

2006-10-02T15:25:00.000+07:00

next time a storm that strong comes around iL tap my heels harder. tap tap!!

i never liked this story for one its really long for a child to even pay attention what's at the end of the yellow brick road is impossible. I tried reading it again but iD go for alice and the frantic white rabbit for so many reasons. Plus it reminds me of my paternal granny.... witches and storms.. eyup!!

long weekend wasn't it? and dont you wish it could have been longer if not for the stupid meralco cutting off power in places that are totally ok.... thus no water for us and we had to abaniko our selves to sleep.

i love rain.. storms much more.... i really dont care if i havta read and finish reading books with just candle light.. but keeeep me cool... i have so much to rant about but you know i already did that since the power went out.

so anyways about the storm. its peculiar enough that it hit manila head on what made it uberly cool was the fact that everyone was forced to go back to the basics. it would have been easier for everyone if they only signed up for girl/boy scout boot camp. hahahaha! If i had it my way iD go up to the mountains with 5 cans of vienna sausage and 3 cans of pork and beans... (im juz craving for some) light me a bonfire .... weed out one side of some beautiful mountain.... and prolly when i have burned enough find some natives and challenge them to a bugtungan fest! teeehihihihi..... if i win they make me a yellow brick road that leads to the nearest burger machine trailer if i loose iL spare them a can of vienna sausage if they fnd that conspicous then iL give them liberty to make me listen to their tribal hymn. aaahahaha!

so i would have enjoyed the long weekend better(w/c means i did... im quite shallow coz i have been sober) if all of those or something close to that happened. BUT instead i was teh designated abaniko-yer-hyper-daughter person, i had to listen to my husband's litany of rants against meralco's faulty system for arguments sake was forced to confront him with stupid pressumptions juz so he wont get bored out of his wits and sleep again.

Also if he just left me alone summoning the wind with a specially tuned whistle...phoooooooooow phophophopho phooooooooooooooooooow (5x or until u notice some branches woooshing..that's an affirmation fo your request!!) if it doesnt work for you its because someone is making kontra.. i advise you look at some other tree and whistle some more....

so the break is over, nothing more intresting than having to sweep off fallen leaves out of the walkway in teh village park with the rugby boys and some smapaguita kids..... hehehehe...

so bring me to oz prolly he can gimme some good material to actually blog about. pardon the queer pic i pasted in the page.

Trivial ...

2006-09-13T07:40:00.000+07:00

You Are Tequilla

When you drink, you're serious about getting drunk!You'll take any shot that's offered up to you...Even if it tastes like sock sweat!And you're never afraid of eating the worm.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatalcoholicdrinkareyouquiz/">What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

ahahahaha!! TING!!!

Your Personality Is Like Marijuana

You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you!Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down.You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatdrugisyourpersonalitylikequiz/">What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

weeeeeee!!! TING TING!!!

You Are the Very Gay Bert and Ernie!

Two grown puppets living together, sleeping in the same room?They've even got coordinating striped shirts!

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatgaychildhoodiconareyouquiz/">What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

hmmm.... i love rubber duckies... but but... im scared of bert... im not so happy about this test...

Your Heart Is Orange

Love equals unbridled happiness for you. You enjoy the wild ride of falling in love.And while the ride is fun for a while, you always get off once the thrill is gone.
Your flirting style: Hyper
Your lucky first date: Anything you need your passport for!
Your dream lover: Is both daring and well grounded
What you bring to relationships: Energy

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorheartdoyouhavequiz/">What Color Heart Do You Have?

teeehihihi . . oh yea i remember boredom makes me diss the whole deal! ....

paperclips.

2006-09-04T10:33:00.000+07:00

can't live without so many things, when really thousands of generations before me has survived with virtually nothing.
they have live longer and fuller lives.

it's quite unfair having to live with our lifestyle now.
things are easier. more bearable.

i get sick, i pop a tablet and i'm tiptop shape by tomorrow.
i want music? i go surf the net and download to my heart's content.

living at this age did not subject us to challenges that compelled us to LIVE life rather we are left to just survive with very minimal concern of LIVING.

no wonder we look up to this people. now i know the sense of history. things back then were more difficult because they made things happen with their bear hands and the most simple machines.

i wonder what stories do we expect to be proud of if things are sooooo convenient now? are we to make textbook worthy history from all this shannanigan?

guess not!

i would want to wish to live primatively, just that wish that everything that they decide to invent and mass distribute would not make life painfully easy.

please.

BuRp....

2006-08-30T10:40:00.000+07:00

had peanut butter + strawberry jam sandwish for lunch.
one of my team mate noticed that i did not want to eat the peanut butter with the jam in a layer.

o_O

coz... uhmmm.. it confuses me?

^_^

too sweet that the bread that nuetrilizes the uber sweetness kinda looses its purpose. x_x
i can have it separate, like a triple decker but not jam splat on the peanutty butter.

*chokes*

on that note...

~i'm not the sweet kinda girl~ close friends and definitely family know that.
I shun away, hide my blushing face when given a compliment, if i wouldn't entirely retort in a very lame-o arguement why i believe otherwise.

I don't like my birthday. i Dont like valentines. or any other endorphine mandated holidays for that matter..

my birthday for one (w/c is actually around the corner..) is a day when i am obliged to feel special and be like BIDA! *no no no please no... its just like yesterday... syaddap and get oon with yer life please!!* see.... i have had it with having the spotlight on (at) me, and all of those times ended up me hiding where the sun does not shine because of psychological booboos. *waaaah fur ShamE!!!* so there.... so if you make a big deal out of it and not give me the usual special treatment, U CAN BLOW OUT d CANDLES yeRself! ^_^ but i do celebrate this day, because it's life.... and my mom(if u dont see the logic to this, stop saving up for another booze fest until u do)!

Valentines, Christmas and New year like any other holidays are just a waste of time. AAAAhg esp. valentines. the whole world turnes glittery yucky slutty celophane red... *makes me sick* christmas adn new year.. just love it coz of the presents and day-off from work. ^_^ but all the things dat we are to do just to make the friggin day special eeeeeezzzzzz senseless!! hahaha (maybe because i would rather sleep and just have uninterrupted chill out sessions with family and friends.. AND WE NEED SHOPS, BARS, 7-11 OPEN!! close the CHURCH!! hahaha joke!)

i totally admire the people who are keeping up with me. So for the rest of you who thinks they can sweet talk me.. HA! *kikilig inside.. but really after a few seconds.. i wud get back @ u for bein lame and trying to pull that off with me!*

fart fart... need to go back to work...
Babooshka!